NiniaPimp Magazine

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

My boss (the CEO) just asked me to “fix” an excel spreadsheet, because there were too many ###‘s in it.
J C

I had a job at a pizza shop and it was a miserable experience, but I told myself I wouldn’t quit until I had a new job lined up. However, one slow evening while doing inventory in the freezer, my manager decided it would be oh so funny to lock me inside and turn out the lights. I spent five minutes in complete darkness and in below freezing temperatures. I quit the next day.
Kyra K

I work as a loss prevention investigator at a retail store (stop shop lifter’s). One day my boss and I attempted to stop a woman for stealing $140 worth of merchandise ranging from clothes to candles (all of which she fit in her purse somehow). Anyways, as we tried to stop her but she refused to stop. She just kept walking and walked into the grocery store next door. I went to inform the other stores LP of the situation and my boss continued to follow the woman to the bathroom, where the woman locked herself. Meanwhile the police were contacted and I waited outside to explain the situation to the officers. Once the officers arrived we walked back to the bathroooms to meet up with my boss. Turns out the woman had shit her pants while attempting to flee us. The woman panicked when she realized that there were two cops waiting outside the bathroom and tried to flush the merchandise she had stolen. The worst part was she didn’t flush the mess first. All of the merchandise was pulled out of the toilet and put into a plastic garbage can which i got to take back to our store and sort through the shit and toilet paper covered merchandise. It wasn’t all bad though, after the cops finished questioning her they paraded her down the sidewalk next to a crowded parking lot in handcuffs with a shit stain on her pants back to my office so I could do my report and questioning.
Nick S.

I have worked at Subway for 2 years now and I have had some pretty crappy things happen. One night, I was closing and was the only worker. I was finishing up with one customer when these 2 guys came in. They started whispering and pointing at the food and laughing. I just thought they were the typical “drunk-on-a-Friday-night-coming-in-to-cause-trouble” guys.
Anyway, I went over and asked them the typical question and the dreaded joke came out after asking them “Would you like a footlong or a 6 inch?” “Well… can you handle a footlong?” To which I replied “Oh you know I can handle a footlong. But unfortunately you can’t even give me a 4 inch.” All his friends died laughing, and for once I felt like I had an awesome day at work.
Alwaysfresh Myass

For the past 3 months I had a part time job as a computer technician for an internet cafe. Before I got there they had their computers running with no virus protection and allowed the users to make all the changes to the hard drive they wanted. I configured their computers to automatically revert to a good disc image every night which meant that any users changes during the day were reverted. They got rid of me 2 weeks ago because “the computers aren’t breaking anymore and all I do there is surf the internet and don’t work.” Before I left I just shut off the imaging service I started. About a week later they called me back up and said their computers were breaking again. I guess I did more repairing computers than they realized while I was “just playing on the internet.”
Justin Jones

I work at a retail chain and as I’m working one night a customer comes up to me informing me of a spill on one of the aisles. I was stationed anywhere near there, but since I was told it was more or less my obligation to clean it up. I get over there to find that someone had pooped in the middle of the aisle. As disgusted as I was I cleaned it and put tons of air freshener over it. As soon as I finish some kid knocks over a candle which shatters on the floor and so I had to clean that. Then I get called up to the cash register since there were too many customers waiting, which usually takes maybe 15 minutes, and ended up there the rest of the night. To top it all off my manager yelled at me at the end of the night for not doing the job I was assigned to.
Jake H.

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12Gracie12 from Johnson,KS on Sep.302011

Adorable!!! I love this little guy. I recommend getting it from the store, when we bought are zombie baby there was three of them there. The others heads were shaped in a thin oval that was unapealing. Unlike the picture shown the ceral number is printed on the diaper, and the lines were he was put together are very destinctive. His feet are falling apart, but I like it better that way, he looks like he is decomposing. He had a strong rubber smell so buy early to let he air out. He is just what we wanted he completes are homeade nurse outfit, we also got a tub of blood from there we plan on spraying on the baby and myself. Perfect and adorable, Spirit Halloween has never disappointed me and still hasn’t! Can’t wait to see peoples reaction this halloween!!!

Originally posted at Spirit Halloween Costumes (legalese)

Slay Time Zombie Baby Prop
Adoption Certificate It’s always play time for the sleeping vampire zombie baby – except he never sleeps and he’s always hungry – for blood! Play time becomes ugly with this Slay Time Sleeping Zombie Baby® Prop, especially if you reach in to give him a hug or a kiss. Bring him to the party because …

pmjean29 from Winter Haven, Fl on Sep.262011

To all who want to know I can truly say that this product is one of a kind after trying so many hair care regimens and products this truly separates itself from the rest. I got great results with this product. I first learned about this product about four years ago at my local hair store Soul Train. After purchasing this miracle in a bottle I decided to give it a go and since then my hair loves this product. I saw significant change in its texture, and rapid growth after using it for six months. For all debating whether or not they should pick this particular product I say go ahead and see for yourself. I am not a specialist but I do know this since using it my hair is now 11′inches within a years time. This may be a little slow for growth but if you’re someone like myself who struggled with damaged hair basically half your life and searched for products that did more damage than good, then you’ll too feel like i do about this product.

Thank you
Pamela Lawson

Originally posted at Buzzillions.com (legalese)

BB Growth Serum Hair Strengthener 2oz.
Stimulates roots to promote growth With aloe vera, tea tree oil and growth complex

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

My first job was at a pet store. A woman came in telling me that her dog was having stomach issues, and that her vet told her to feed it chicken and rice.

She then explained to me that she just couldn’t afford to buy him Chinese food every night. I laughed until I realized she was serious.
Crypt Rat

I work in a hole-in-the-wall bar. One day, a guy walks in and orders a beer. As I hand him the beer, he gets an indescribable look on his face, and walks to the back room to play pool. I didn’t think anything of it, really, but a few minutes later I began to notice a horrible smell in the bar. Evidently the guy had shit his pants when he’d walked up to the bar and, rather than clean himself up or leave immediately, he got the beer and played an entire game of pool, leaving streaks of shit in front of the bar and around the entire pool table.
Jess H

I had just begun college, and my first job out of High school. I swore I would never take a mac job, so I was working at a funeral home. I know most people think it’s gross, but it was pretty clean. The schedule was a plus with my full college load, working on call, mostly at 2 in the morning, along with 8 hours Friday, and Saturday. On one of these Saturdays, during the summertime, I was in my transport van with someone on the back stretcher, the A.C. was not working, and I was wearing a black suit, then I got caught in traffic. So I was sitting in traffic beginning to cook, and moving at a slow 20 mphs. Then when I was wiping the sweat from my brow, I looked in the review mirror, and I saw the body, begin to sit up strait, and begin to make a gurgling sound. With that I was insanely freaked out, pulling off to the side of the road, getting out, taking my suit jacket off quickly, then saying shit and fuck about as many times as I could. I went to the rear doors of the van, seeing one body sitting up at a 90 degree angle, at that point being very creepy, I asked a simple “Hello” just thinking there’s a chance it might still be alive. No answer, after calming down a bit, and realizing it was just the heat that can cause muscle contractions, I began to tighten the straps on the stretcher, it was like bending a led pipe, but after a few minutes of tightening the straps on the stretcher, I was finally able to make it secure again, and the traffic was lightening up again. I was able to quickly drive back to the funeral home, and from that everything was fine. But for a second it could have been the zombie Apocalypse.
Josh Hill

I work in management at a well-known retail store. I’m not going to lie, my new boss has got to be the dumbest person I’ve met in my life. Today she was making a poster for a coworker who won a contest, and wrote on it “Congradulations!” Afterward, she asked me to show her how to use a box cutter.
Kayti Flynn

I am a receptionist for a law firm. Because we aren’t the only office on this floor, I often have to deal with a lot of crazy people with strange questions law related and not. Once I noticed an older man, probably early 60’s, staring at another suite’s door for a long period of time. Finally, he came into our office and said, “That door over there doesn’t have handles. Is there another way to get in?” I thought he was messing with me and told him you just have to push. He responded with, “Oh ok. Thank you.” Straight face and all.
Brittney O

When I was 15 I worked at Old Navy as a summer job, and I was mostly found manning the dressing rooms in the back. One day I had a 20-something couple come in. The girl went to try on a huge array of clothes and the guy sat on a bench waiting for her to model. She looked normal enough but he looked like a hipster, emo, death metal tree hugger. I cannot describe him in any other way. He started asking me why I worked at a store that exploited children in 3rd world countries, was making our country broke, and was stealing money from teenagers, and then proceeded to was ask me how I could stand to live with myself. He also told me one day Karma would get me back and that I should reconsider my life. Yet, his Girlfriend was buying clothes from the store that did all these heinous things.
Kerstin Glaess

I got a new job in a Pizzeria in the city. All of the customers are generally nice but one day i get a complaint about the bathroom being held up for an hour. I knocked and called and finally figured that no one was in there so i used the employee keys to open the door. There was a knocked out 10 year old that slipped on his own pee and smashed his head against the toilet.
Mosiur Rahman

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This is how the Windows commercial plays out in my head.

ANNOUNCER: This is Jane. Jane has a 4 year old computer that she doesn’t think she needs to update.

ANNOUNCER: So we decided to build a PC store in her house to show her what she was missing. Except she locked her door like most normal people do. So we decided we’d just break in.

ANNOUNCER: Then we got in. It took us like an hour. Seriously. We tried everything before breaking the window. We were hungry, so we made a snack.

ANNOUNCER: After the snack, we were ready…to build a PC store in Jane’s house. Until we saw her TV.

ANNOUNCER: So we took her TV…

ANNOUNCER: And her fridge…

ANNOUNCER: In fact, we pretty much robbed her blind.

ANNOUNCER: Maybe next time, JANE will buy a NEW FUCKING COMPUTER so WE don’t have to spend ginormous amounts of money on a store in HER house and give HER a FREE computer when you and I both know that in 6 months she’s just GONNA GO BUY A FUCKING MAC! HOW ABOUT THAT JANE? HMM?

END SCENE

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

I work at a large department store in the electronics section. One time, i was doing some cleaning, when i noticed a man climbing the racks that held the TV’s. I asked him “Excuse me sir?” and he promptly responded with “Don’t worry, i am just plugging in this microwave”. Confused, i walked off and called a manager, but before i could even get through to them, i heard the microwave in use, and went back over to see what was happening. The man was using the microwave to cook his noodles. I started to laugh, and in the middle of my hysterics, he walked over to the counter and grabbed at the store pager. Before i could reach him, he spoke into the microphone, for the whole store to hear “Hey Brett, your noodles are ready at the electronics section”. I had a hard time explaining how this was allowed to happen to my manager.
M J

I work on the helpdesk of an IT company, and one day my boss tells me that one of the hard drives in one of the servers has failed. He asked me to go into the server room and find out which drive had a red light on it, as opposed to a green light. There are around 200 hard drives, and I am red-green colourblind. I spent 20 minutes searching for a red light before I gave up.
Chris Gill

I work as a radio host in a small town. Now, radio announcers are a breed all their own. We are all pretty weird but our fans are straight out of the wood work. I had this one regular listener who liked to email me during the show. One day the guy is going on about bacon and tells me about the whole case of bacon he just bought. He proceeded to tell me how he likes to cook his bacon and then asked and I quote “do you also like to fry up and eat bacon?” I also got some request letters from listeners in prison. For some reason, some of them sent letters written in red ink and it shows through the envelope. Needless to say, I’m always relieved to open red written letter to find that it’s pen and not blood.
Adrianna Smith

I work at a grocery store as a stock boy, and one day as I finished stocking the ice cream section a lady comes up and asks where a specific brand of non sugar ice cream is. After I tell her that we do not carry that particular brand she proceded to freak out because a different store in the city has it and she knocks down all the ice cream off the shelves i just finished stocking. It took me an hour clean it up.
Johnny Hopkins

I work as a shift-runner at a local pizza restaurant. The other day, we were robbed at gunpoint about thirty minutes before closing time. The robber got what he wanted and no employees got injured. As per company policy, we locked the doors after he left and called the police and the store owner. I’m the only employee who didn’t have their phone stolen, and am trying to get a hold of the owner. I called both his house and cell phone more than twenty times each. Finally, I left a voicemail explaining the situation and asked him to call us back as soon as possible. Ten minutes later, he calls back and asks “Did you guys just get robbed? How much money did we lose?” The conversation goes on for about four or five minutes and ended with me finally saying, “Oh, and nobody got injured in case you were wondering…”
Jim T

I work in a nice restaurant in a rich suburb and typically have to deal with snooty assholes with ridiculous demands. There’s this one regular who frequently comes in and tells her server just a little too much about her life. Her latest story- how she was attacked by a man with a knife who is now in prison until 2036. All i wanted to do was drop off her wine, but she kept me there for 10 minutes to describe every horrifyingly graphic detail of the attack. Who does that??
Maddie Corydon

I got a job as a busboy at a new restaurant in town, and in the mornings before opening they made us stock the bathrooms and one morning my buddy and i were cleaning the womens bathroom, which was usually more disgusting due to tampons, and in the handicap stall there was this small bag with brown marks on it. My buddy thought it was a sun glass case, he touched it and i screamed when i recognized what it was, a colonostomy , or shit-bag for post surgery people. So i gloved up and picked it up while shit started to flow out of the opening and drip on the floor. Guess who cleaned that up too.
Tristan Idaho

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keungfamily

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  a href=”http://failblog.org/2011/09/10/epic-fail-photos-store-sign-fail-2/?utm_source=embedutm_medium=webutm_campaign=sharewidget”img class=’event-item-lol-image’ src=’http://ninjapimp.com/wp-content/plugins/rss-poster/cache/f75ea_epic-fail-photos-store-sign-fail.jpg’ alt=”epic fail photos – Store Sign FAIL” title=”epic fail photos – Store Sign FAIL” height=”375px” width=”500px” //abr /see more a href=”http://failblog.org?utm_source=embedutm_medium=webutm_campaign=sharewidget”funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!/a

This fail picture or video was posted on Saturday, September 10th, 2011 at 2:00 am

Liz from New Orleans, LA on Aug.092011