NiniaPimp Magazine

NBC

9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

The central Caucasian couple doesn’t see eye to eye on a particular Caucasian matter, resulting in an amusing standoff. But seeking advice from their respective Caucasian friends only exacerbates the problem! Calista Flockhart stars.

Hey guys. Dwayne. Pete. Ryan. Look, I’m sure you guys mean well with this whole ‘intervention’ thing but it’s misplaced, not to mention hurtful. I mean, guys: I’m not a crack addict-I’m a crack enthusiast.

There’s a huge difference, okay Dwayne? What I do between these three-and-a-half walls is my business, and my business alone. I’m a responsible and oftentimes-law abiding citizen: don’t I deserve this? Sometimes after a long day of hustling for crack, I’ll just want to relax with some sweet, sweet crack. Who doesn’t like to relax? I mean, no one looks twice at Jacob when his “two beers” suddenly turns into four; but I smoke a little crack and have a razor-fight with my suddenly self-aware beard and I’m the one with the “substance problem” and “severe cuts”. How unfair is that?

I like my crack, guys. Don’t make a federal case out of this, okay? Seriously. Don’t.

You guys are being prudes. I’m not an addict; I’m just a fan, and more importantly, a well informed consumer. For example, my last pipe was of some really great vintage stuff from 122nd street. A Tuesday batch, with the powdery undertones of baking soda. Quite delectable; try telling that to a “crack fiend” okay? They wouldn’t be able to tell you the difference between Yeti Stone and Beige Bomber if their lives depended on it. And don’t I deserve to spoil myself a little, after all the horrible things I had to do to earn this crack? I think so. Crack is just a fun little hobby of mine, just like my other new hobby, selling sex for money to buy crack with.

You guys are being so dramatic; yikes! You sound like my parole officer here! You’ve got to look at the bigger picture. I mean, does Logan live in a “baseball house”? Of course not! He’s just a regular guy who happens to like baseball, and besides, he lives in my crack-house anyway, so I guess the point is moot. What I mean is that someone isn’t defined by just one of their passions, just like their sexuality isn’t defined by whatever horrible, horrible things they do to score their next fix.

I don’t have a drug problem, guys. That’s crazy to say. I mean, if anything, my biggest problem is when I don’t have drugs! Am I right? Am I-, oh, come on, dudes. That line totally killed in the holding cells.

Do I have a drug habit? No; but do I have an awesome, laid back fun drug hobby? You can bet your last crumpled and shameful dollar I do! But really, at its core, it’s just a small social thing. If I’m with a friend like Kevin or, say, Crackhead Paul, well yeah, maybe we’ll smoke for a few days. It’s nothing, guys. Maybe we’ll just hang out or order some pizza, or take a quick drive to China, or fight the spiders, oh God, all the spiders. It’s a nice fun time and no one gets hurt, because, as I’ve explained a thousand times before, those “pedestrians” were ghost-monsters anyway, sent by the spider-king Juhr.

Hmm. So be it. I think you can see yourself out past the roaches. And if you ever want to apologize, well, you can come over here and smoke the peace pipe with me. Just do me a solid and advance me some cash. Come on guys. You know I’m good for it.

Tacos are a classic masterpiece of compact unhealthiness. It’s essentially a wallet of meat and cheese that we shove in our mouths as fast as we can. So why are we wasting our precious gorging time on all those stupid tortillas when we could be scooping our portable feasts with fluffy, golden waffles? That’s right: there’s no reason. Let’s get it together, America.

Any indulgent chump can make a chocolate chip pancake, but it takes a really bored and hungry chump to put in the time and effort to make this vision of caloric genius. To avoid accidentally cooking the cookie, one must pre-freeze little balls of dough and then mix those into the pancake batter before putting them on the griddle. The really tricky part is not just eating all of the dough instantly, but it seems like a risk worth taking.

What’s the biggest problem with burritos? The soggy tortilla mess. What’s the biggest problem with sushi? The lack of cheese. Enter the Sushi Burrito. It has all the tidy, moisture resistant properties of a sushi roll, AND the gut-enhancing bean/cheese/meat trifecta of a burrito. Plus, it has seaweed, so it’s healthier. Definitely like half the calories of a regular burrito. Definitely.

We’re legally not allowed to refer to this concoction as a “beverage” because of the fact that it will instantly drain all of the moisture from your mouth, throat, and surrounding bodies of water, but, hey, if Jamba Juice can get away with selling a “Peanut Butter Moo’d” shake, then we should be allowed to drink liquified peanut butter without having to go to a Jamba Juice and be the fat slobs who order peanut butter when everyone else is getting acai berry and a shot of something that isn’t pure lard-salt.

Marshmallow is a woefully underrepresented ingredient in the field of candy bars. This is an outright travesty. The Mallomar is proof that marshmallow and cookie and chocolate is a terrific combination. But Mallomars are a seasonal treat, and, if we’re being entirely honest, the cookie part of the Mallomar is overpoweringly dry and perma-stale. This is where the gentle wafer of the Kit-Kat comes in. It’s the perfect, year-round cocoon for delicious clouds of synthetic sugar. Your move, Hershey.

Ed from Fremont, CA on Oct.012011

4out of 5

I have been using two WMB54g music bridges on a Win-XPH-SP3 platform for many years. One Music bridge is 2.11 (Jan 17, 2006) firmware and is wired through a couple of Netgear HDX111 power adapters and the other bridge is version 2.9 (Nov. 17, 2005) firmware and is hardwired through about 75ft of CAT5 cable. Both bridges work well providing excellent quality in the described configurations. I have never had good success trying to use them on a wireless network as interrupting pauses mid-play were ocasionally experienced.

The problems that I have discovered and overcome are software conflicts and setup issues.

In my opinion, there is a conflict between some third party processes and the WMB54G.
Notably
Redchair Anipod manager
Apple Quicktime
Some other Apple Music services
You must disable or uninstall such conflicting software and sometimes it is hard to get rid of.

Also, for best setup results:

1) Install user GUI software provided on the CD, version 1.1 but do not setup the bridge interface from this disk. Instead, downloadversion 1.3 from
( http://homesupport.cisco.com/en-us/support/bridges/WMB54G ).

2) Always setup the bridge hardware interface only from downloaded version 1.3 software when needed but do not install driver from this version.
This is also very convenient because unlike the CD 1.1 version, you can run 1.3 it from a shortcut on the desktop when occasionally required.

The problem with the version 1.1 bridge interface setup is that it does not provide the opportunity to select a wired network if no wireless networks
are found.

The problem with the 1.3 driver is that it only supports bridge firmware version 2.18 or later and would not find my 2.11 or 2.9 firmware bridges on the wired network. Also, there have been some problems reported when upgrading to 2.18 firmware and Linksys removed the firmware download from their website.
Hope this helps.

Originally posted at Buzzillions.com (legalese)

Linksys Wireless-G Music Bridge WMB54G
Works with any program: media players, games, streamed Internet audio, etc. Connects your stereo system to a Wireless-G or wired network Listen to your digital music collection in the living room Creates a virtual sound system in your PC to send audio output to a stereo system anywhere in the house…

Jim Bucko, NinjaPimp Reporter at Large
In an industry that only has a couple hundred professionals, it is upsetting to see that dozens of its young performers die every year from a single sickness.

“You can see it in the eyes…It was a void stare of no emotion whatsoever, no highs, no lows, no feeling…just a question, with no answer… ” says professional wrestler Roddy Piper.

Its victims include the entire Von Erich family, ?British Bulldog? Davey Boy Smith, Rick Rude, Curt Hennig, Dick Dudley, Road Warrior Hawk, Pit Bull #2, the Wall, Rocco Rock, and dozens more. What is this sickness? There is no specific name for it, but it most certainly exists. Professional wrestlers abuse their bodies to make it to the top of the industry, that abuse is part of the sickness.

?To wake up, I use uppers. Then I do some steroids to stay in shape. To kill the pain from the last match, I resort to alcohol, painkillers, and pot. A little cocaine before the show takes the edge off, and sleeping pills put me back to sleep at night.? Says one unnamed wrestler.

In the industry today, none of the major companies enforce anti-drug policies. The WWE and NWA-TNA overlook drug use as long as it doesn?t keep the wrestlers from performing. Some wrestlers even insist that the WWE encourages drug use. ?Although they don?t say how, they expect you to have a bodybuilder?s physique when you are on the road 300 days a year. It?s not possible without chemical assistance.? Says another anonymous source.

Although nothing will ever cure it, the first step towards recovery is understanding that there is a sickness. Once major wrestling promotions understand that there is a problem, then they can start to recover.

Reality Ryan, AKA GQ Money Interview
Exclusively by The NinjaPimp

GQ, please tell us a little bit about yourself.
Well, I grew up in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago always a wrestling fan. My mom got me into wrestling, and I used to watch it on TV with her, and also go to live shows with her as well. I was a high school wrestler, and captain of my team junior and senior year. I have two gold medals in international freestyle wrestling competition, as I competed in the 1992 Maccabi Games which is like a Jewish Junior Olympics. I went to college at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and once I graduated I started pursuing my career in professional wrestling. I’ve been on a reality show, been a finalist in a contest to become the Los Angeles weather man and I’m one incredibly good looking guy.

Where have you wrestled?
I got my start in Denver, CO. I was brought in to help start an indy with a man named Dan Magnus and Bobbye Black. We had great success starting the CWO, an organization that drew large crowds (more than 10-times as many people as any indy that ran in the area) and had great media exposure. As the CWO ran its course, I moved out to Los Angeles to work with XPW. I climbed my way up the ranks there (both on screen and behind the scenes), until XPW ran it’s course and then I moved out to Nashville to work with TNA. I moved back to CA where I’m now involved in the MTV Wrestling Society X project. I have wrestled in CA, PA, NC, AL, TN, GA, SC, CO and a few other states as well.

What did you think of XPW?
XPW was the best! I loved it. I loved our renegade vibe, the hatred by the critics and the no rules mentality. We said what we wanted, did what we wanted and let nobody tell us we couldn’t do something. There were no rules, no boundaries and no limits. I was allowed to explore my creativity and come up with ideas that no other wrestling company would ever think of doing. XPW got a bad rap, but if you really watched it, it was a really good product. The TV-show was hysterical, and the intensity at live shows was incredible. Everybody put us down, but there isn’t a fed out there that offered what we did. People were just haters, but that was fine with us.

Can you tell us a little bit about some of the guys in XPW? Maybe Pogo or Supreme.
All the guys were cool at the time. We all got along and just had a great time being part of a company that was different. Pogo was a nice guy, but could be intimidating as well. I wrestled him once and I was scared shitless. The match was great though, and was an awesome display of a little man getting tossed by a big man. Hell, I got bieled (beeled) (sp?) from one turnbuckle clear across the ring to the other. It was sweet! Supreme was cool, but you knew when you were working with him it was time for business. I remember doing a segment for XPW-TV where Supreme came into my balloon shop office (yes, I ran GQ Balloons for a while) and beat the crap out of me. That was stiff, and it was rough, but it was cool. It made for good TV.

What is your favorite match?
Raw Sewage aka the 30-foot sh!t bomb. In XPW if I wrestled (as opposed to managing) it was always against Angel. We had a great feud and one of our highlight moments was in a match where he sidewalk slammed me off a 30-foot tower into a kiddy pool of raw sewage which was on a stack of two tables. That match was fun, and so was the Genocide cage match. Once again Angel and I ended up high above the ground, this time 20-feet up on a rickety home made cage that we thought was going to collapse. I tossed him off, and then jumped off the cage with a 20-foot cross body on top of him, and the security guards who were checking up on him.

Is there anyone that you don’t get along with?
Then, no! Now, oh yeah. My former best friend Kaos and I don’t talk at all. He fucked me over big time when we moved to Nashville and I will never forgive him for that. Also Smokey Carmichael (a friend from Colorado who I brought into XPW) who also fucked me over when we moved to Nashville. The pricks moved out without saying anything, without leaving a note or making a phone call, nothing. And this was the day before rent was due. Fuck them!

What do you think of Rob Black?
Rob is a great guy and is very misunderstood. He’s always been good to me and allowed me to do what I do best, perform. If you get to know the real Rob black he’s a good guy. The public persona, well, that could be rough. The persona is an asshole, the person is not.

How did you get the name GQ Money?
The 1st XPW show I went out to see I was sitting in the bleachers pre show with my buddy The Giant (not WWE’s) watching the set up and just checking things out. Lizzy Borden came up to me and said, “You must be GQ Money” and that was that. I hated the name, thought it was too cliché, but it’s cool. The funny thing, back when I was a kid my rap name was GQ as well.

Where can people learn more about you?
www.realityryan.com

What do you think of Ninjapimp.com?
It’s a fun site with great interviews.

Have you checked out our Afrosquad page?
Oh yeah. It’s a well known fact that if I could grow an afro I would. I’m funkdafied, fortified and amplified to the next level!

What about wrestling as an evil pimp?
The GQ Money character had a little bit of an evil pimp vibe, especially once I got to Philly and blended the original GQ Money persona with the Ultra Violent GQ Money persona. I was almost involved with a pimp and ho wrestling fed once but it didn’t work. In college we threw a 40oz pimp and ho party where my band The Electric Manny Schevitz played… It was tight. I also made a TV commercial for a school project for “Playboy Malt Liquor” because “Pimpin’ Aint’ Easy.” Oh yeah!!!!

Do you think there is a problem with drug use in wrestling?
The only problem is when individual people abuse the drugs and can’t use them responsibly. Taking pain pills for pain is fine… Taking 26 pain pills for pain is not! Do people do drugs? Sure they do. I never had first hand experience with anyone who had a problem, but drugs are always around. I think that’s the case with any aspect of the entertainment business. It’s part of the lifestyle.

Who is the most beautiful woman in wrestling?
Hands down, nobody holds a candle to indy, XPW and Wrestling Society X wrestler Valentina (J Love).

What is the most insane thing you saw in XPW?
Supreme catching on fire after I gave him a diamond cutter from the top rope threw a flaming table! He got burned bad, and spent a couple of days in the hospital. I felt so bad, even though it wasn’t my fault. I was involved in the “stunt” so I just had this enormous feeling of guilt. Supreme’s kid never liked me after that, but I couldn’t blame him? As far as he knew I torched his dad. The craziest thing was I had to go on TV week after week and brag about it.

What was it like to be behind the scenes over there?
A whole lot of fun. It was a fantastic 2.5 years of my life. At the same time as working there, I was also touring the country doing stand up comedy with Ron Jeremy, so it was a pretty fun time! Ob and I always clicked creatively and came up with crazy ideas. He wasn’t afraid to try something different, and neither was I. Kevin (Kleinrock) and (White Trash Johnny) Webb were always the voices of reason, while me and Rob were always like, “Why can’t we do that? This is wrestling, there are no rules!”

Do you have anything to ask us, the writers of ninjapimp?
You ever been anally probed by an alien named Zolorp? Have you ever drank sheep’s milk straight from the sheep’s teet? Have you ever had the urge to urinate on yourself while waiting in line at the movies?

Any parting words?
Smoke and mirrors!!!

Well thanks for your time.
Anytime.

   Since Port St. Lucie decided to allow the hunting of feral pigs inside its city limits, hunters from around Florida have expressed an interest, but nobody has applied for a permit to hunt them, TCPalm reports.

   An undeveloped area has become overrun with wild hogs, and trapping has solved the problem.

   In frustration, developer Core Communities, which owns a big chunk of the affected land, ask for an end to the hunting ban. The City Council relaxed the ban late last year.