Tag Archives: phone

Autocowrecks: “I” Is a Close Second

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mobile phone texting autocorrect - I'm Partial to I

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This fail picture or video was posted on Monday, November 21st, 2011 at 4:30 am

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Parents Just Don’t Understand: #203

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Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your “Parents Just Don’t Understanding”, submit it here!
And thank God we’ll never be as dumb as they are!

My mother doesn’t speak english, but she runs an internet business so she always asks me to translate for her. I showed her how to use Google Translate and even put it into her favorites tab. She now asks me how to open her favorite tab.
jeff kang

My mum got a new phone and just about managed to master the basic functions, but one day, after a weekend away, she comes to me in a panic saying that her phone has died. She said “The square comes on when I charge it, but it won’t switch on!” After going through the manual in detail with her, I discover that she’s been trying to turn it on using the call button “because it’s green and that means ‘on’…”
Leni H

Today I was helping my mom reset her password… after she was done she wanted to check her facebook. She closed the window and reopened it so it showed google again instead of her email. I told her she didn’t have to do that every time, she could just type it in in the url bar or search bar. She then looked at me and said in annoyed voice, “Yes I do Honey or else it isn’t google anymore… I only use google or there will be viruses.”
Gigi Edwards

My dad is still convinced that Dance-Dance Revolution is miniature twister.
George Walburn from Westburry

I was talking with my mom, trying to convince her to switch internet browsers. She keeps refusing to switch from internet explorer. When I asked her why, she told me she didn’t want to learn how to use a new internet again.
Max Udell

So my mum has an iPhone 4 but can’t use it for much more than texts and email. The other day her friend texted her a link asking her to help her choose some “towel rails.”
My mum took this really seriously that her friend wanted design advice, and asked me to help her look at it on the computer… even though she could have clicked the link in the text, I had to explain to her how to copy and paste it on the phone into her email, send it to herself, then open her email on the computer. She put her glasses on ready to look at it and everything…
At this picture that turned out to be two guys balancing towels on their privates!
Bunny McBun from KCL

My grandfather, who has a masters degree in civil engineering and has worked his entire life with electronic equipment came to our house once to check up on me and my sisters (my mother was out of town). He wanted to watch TV, but he couldn’t figure out how to turn on the screen.

When I tried to shout him instructions from upstairs (I was busy with schoolwork), he refused to listen and insisted that it was way to hard and I had to come downstairs and show him.

The “ON” button is literally the only one on the TV-screen, it is huge, located on the face of the screen and illuminated. I pressed the button and returned to my schoolwork.

This has happened 3 times since.
Sofie Anonymous

My mom got a smartphone about 4 months ago. Yesterday, we were eating with my grandparents and they asked her about her new phone. She proceeded to show them the contacts list, and how she has pictures of all of her contacts. She can also “click on the pictures to call people!” This was the only feature she showed them, and from further questioning, the only feature she knows about and/or uses.
Bryce K from NDSU

One day, my parents were trying to log into Netflix, but the website was having temporary server problems. My parents decided to google it, and they wound up on an web forum. Although most of the posts pretty much agreed that Netflix was having some technical difficulties and would be back up soon, my parents managed to zero in on the one all-caps post screaming about “HACKERS!!!!!!!” They flipped out and frantically began asking if they should change all of their passwords. Even after Netflix had apologized for the incident and was back up, they still wouldn’t believe that it was minor technical difficulties. According to them, “Netflix doesn’t have server problems!” I’m not even sure they know what a server is…
A. Nonymous

I got home from school one day to find my mom on my desktop. She couldn’t get her banking working on her laptop, so she decided to try it on mine.

She thought her banking was too slow, so she went into add/remove programs and deleted EVERYTHING. My games, Microsoft Office, all my software and somehow, everyone i asked has no idea how she did it, but she deleted the plugin the makes sound get transmitted to my speakers. No I have an empty computer with no sound, and she got the banking working on her computer.
Finley Wegener

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Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/sa6I6x1Msss/parents-just-dont-understand-203

Autocowrecks: Did I Mention Righteous Fury?

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mobile phone texting autocorrect - Did I Mention Righteous Fury?

Love mobile culture LOLs FAILs? Dial into Autocowrecks!

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This fail picture or video was posted on Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 at 9:00 am

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Parents Just Don’t Understand: #198

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Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your “Parents Just Don’t Understanding”, submit it here!
And thank God we’ll never be as dumb as they are!

Everytime my dad talks to someone on the phone and they ask for his email address when he gets to the @ part, he says “@ like the at sign @gmail.net.” Then double checks to make sure that they used the symbol and not the word at. Every single time.
Kendra Lachmund from Ball State

This lady I work with showed me her filing system today. She has an entire drawer full of printed emails. Every time someone emails her, she prints it out and then files it in a folder according to subject matter. She says it’s “too difficult” to find what she wants in her email and this filing system is much easier.
Some of her file folder labels are “boss,” “meetings,” and “forwards.”
Stephanie D from Texas

My friend’s dad called me because he didn’t know where the Desktop button was on his “icon screen.”
S. L.

Before my mom went on vacation, I told her not to use her phone or else she would be charged a roaming fee. In Europe, she used her phone to upload 3 photos to Facebook, which resulted in a $45 charge. She thought the photos were small enough that our provider would not charge us roaming.
Tony Jones

My boyfriend’s mom is ALWAYS on the computer so I assumed she was fairly good at it. I have sinced learned otherwise:

1. She has 3 copies of everything (and none of them are organized by folders
or ANYTHING)
2. She has had Facebook for a year I think, and just recently learned that she
had a profile when I showed it to her.
3. I told her once that it was easier to find things if you save them to your
desktop while you are using them. She has since saved EVERYTHING to
her desktop.
4. She can ONLY use her e-mail if it is on outlook express. There is no other
way.
5. DO NOT PRANK HER USING THE COMPUTER. One day when she
was gone, I took a picture of her desktop (with the TONS of pictures and
icons) and moved them all to a folder in the corner. Then I set the screen-
shot as her background so that it looked like the icons were all there but
they weren’t clickable. Apparantly, she turned the computer off and on a
few times before cussing it and blaming the problem on a virus.
Anna Stelling

I was telling my mother yesterday that I’m gonna need a more powerful computer because I’m doing more and more advanced video effects and 3d stuff and the computer can’t handle more complicated tasks. No matter what I say to her, she kepps telling me “but it’s the program that is supposed to make advanced stuff, not the computer.”
Alexandre Boucher

I was taking a nap, when I wake up to the sound of my mother screaming “F*** YOU!” extremely loud. About two hours later, I heard her scream again, louder “F*** YOU!” and I came in, and she was giving the computer the finger. My mom, being a really timid person, didn’t usually do stuff like that, so I pretended not to be there to see what she was doing. She screamed at it, and gave it the finger again, and again, about eight times. When I came in, she said she had seen dad do it once, and that it made the computer go faster.
Gibbon Firetoss

When I am in my mom’s car and she uses her phone, she thinks the faster we drive the faster the internet will be.
Safi Syed

Today my mom asked me to check if one of her old college friends was on facebook. When I found the friend and was able to show my mom the full profile she accused me of “breaking into facebook.”
Jeff N

This weekend I spent over 15 minutes on the phone with my mother guiding her though Facebook and how to change her profile picture. I had to tell her step-by-step “Okay, now look to the bottom right of the picture, see where it says ‘Make Profile Picture’? Click that.” And so on. After I hung up I realized I had been able to given her detailed instructions about on screen prompts without looking at a computer once. I probably spend a little too much time on Facebook…
Adam Tyner from Gonzaga

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Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/utHzgS_hwa0/parents-just-dont-understand-198

Parents Just Don’t Understand: #194

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Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your Parents Just Dont Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God well never be as dumb as they are!

I work at a Starbucks and we constantly get older people that want to use the internet. For some reason we always get bugged with the same problem that they can’t connect. These are the 3 main reasons why:

1. They never turned their wifi on.
2. They never connected to the network.
3. They say, “I need google to log on, but the internet isn’t showing google.”

Oddly enough, these same people always come back and always have the same problems.
Mark Diaz from UNE

I just finished a year long project transferring all my parents’ home movies of my childhood from Hi8 and VHS to digital format. The most tedious part? Removing the first ten to twenty seconds of EVERY scene: Lens cap coming off, camera shakily pointing at floor or ceiling, and my parents having a discussion about whether or not it was recording already. Literally 6 to 7 times an hour, over 70 hours of home movies, spanning 20+ years.
Chris R

I work in a restaurant and during lunch last week there was a patron with a Kindle. As we know, the screensaver on a Kindle is usually a famous author. My techno-phobe boss goes up to his table and asks, “Oh, is that a picture of your mom?” No sir, it’s Charlotte Bronte.
Charlotte Hyland from UMass Lowell

My mom has trouble with all the options on Word. When I help her create a graphic or an organization chart, she thinks I’m a pro because the lines are “all straight, organized and pretty.”
Elodie T

When my mom’s driving, she doesn’t trust the gps on my droid because “it’s unreliable.” Instead she has to go on Google Maps on the laptop beforehand and hand write on a piece of paper all the directions to where she wants to go. No matter how much I have tried to convince her that the directions on my phone are just as good she says “the computer is smarter.” My phone uses Google Maps.
Aren B

You’d think that my dad would have filled out some memos and requisition forms and such in his career as an engineer, but every email he sends has the subject of “Dad.” Just “Dad”.
Dave S. from Whatsamata U.

I just found my mom checking for highway closure from storm damage with google street view.
anon ymous

My mum spends hours talking to her work friends on facebook, the other day whilst typing away she paused and exclaimed ‘I DON’T BELIEVE IT’, and so I enquired what, and for a while she just acted angry and slightly crazed. Finally she told me why she was so annoyed, it turned out in her message inbox there wasn’t an option to delete anything and that someone had obviously been on ‘her page’ and changed the settings so that she couldn’t delete anything on facebook anymore. She continued to talk in this paranoid way and also decided that this was due to her being hacked by my brothers friends ‘because they are always on their computers while they are here’.
Needless to say it took a lot of convincing to make her believe that facebook didn’t have a magic setting that she couldn’t find, ‘where she could tick that she didn’t want to be able to delete messages’. It was just a minor error on facebook that lasted less than 10 minutes, I don’t think that she ever really believed me, though.
D B from York

My mom has the iPhone 4, while I just have the 3g (#firstworldproblems) anyway, The other day my mom asked me to send her a picture of myself, because she misses me. I told her I would but it’s annoying to have to turn the phone around and take a picture when I can’t see what I’m taking a picture of. She then told me that there was this great, “vanity mirror app” and I should just get that, and take a picture that way, because that is how she did it. I tried explaining to her that my phone doesn’t have a front facing camera, but she insisted that it wasnt a camera, but a mirror. Yes, she thought the app actually turned the phone into a legit mirror.
Brian Kluger from Ithaca College

Without fail, every time my grandma uses her cell phone she opens it up and checks for a dial tone.
J T

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Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/4BzKOEJQWJw/parents-just-dont-understand-194

Parents Just Don’t Understand: #193

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Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your Parents Just Dont Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God well never be as dumb as they are!

A couple of days ago, my mom asked me to help her make an account on a website for some gossip magazine she likes, so she could get updates and newsletters. As her username, she put her first and last name, and then her birthday- 6763. The site limits the username to be 6 to 20 characters long, and hers was 24. To fix this she changed the number 6763 to 6759, then proceeded to curse at the computer because, “[She] took all the maths in school, 6763 minus 4 is 6759!”. She has since stopped reading the magazine because of her anger.
Dianna Lacey from Queens College

Yesterday, I made the mistake of showing my dad that when I tell my phone to “Call A**hole” it says “Did you mean ‘call Dad Cell?’” He thought this was absolutely hilarious and wants to do it on his phone now, but no matter how many times I try to tell him that his phone can’t do it (which it can’t), he insists that it can. He is currently sitting in the living room yelling “A**hole!” at his phone while pressing random buttons.
Irene Smith

My dad asked me to save “Google” to a flash drive.
Carrie Paps from Wayne State

I was setting up my parents’ new computer, and downloaded Windows Essentials, just to get Windows Mail. As I was unchecking the other programs in the pack, my dad stopped me and asked my why I didn’t install them. I said I didn’t because they didn’t need them. He then replied, “But what if I suddenly decide I want to join Facebook?” Because, obviously you need Windows Live Messenger to join Facebook.

When I’m with my grandma, she refuses to speak while I’m typing out a text because she thinks the other person will be able to hear her when they read it.
Amber S from University of Kentucky

My mom was wondering how all these people know each other’s birthdays on fb. I told her she had to put her birthday on her fb profile. A day later I get an event invite to *******‘s birthday…just the day itself.
gabe from florida

After spending 2 months working on a summer assignment for school i was struggling on the last sections. My mom constantly calls herself ‘tech-savy’ when she’s not. Seeing me struggle she pushed me away from my computer saying she was going to help. i left, as i came back i saw not only all my web pages i was using all gone but my entire assignment was erased. My mom just turned to me and said “i have no idea what just happened.” To erase an entire document on my computer takes at least four steps of confirmation…
Brittany Waunsch

Recently, my grandma asked me to help her burn some of her music onto some CDs. During the process, she started turning up the volume really loudly on the external speakers. I asked her why she’s turning it up so loudly. Her reason? She was afraid that the volume of the music that’s burned onto the CD won’t be loud enough. She thought that turning up the volume would make the music “record” better.
Vanessa Ha

I forgot to pay my phone bill once and my phone was shut off. I used my moms computer to pay my bill online so I could have my service restored. My mom, who was completely amazed by this now goes around telling all her friends about how I’m so smart I figured out how to “hack into sprint and get free service” now all her friends want me to do the same for them. I’ve tried to correct them but they think I’m lying…
nerman Tatum

Everytime I show something to my mom or dad on my Droid, they always wrap their whole hand around the phone which inevitably caused the buttons on the bottom to be pressed. I tell them to just grab it by the sided every time but they NEVER get it.
Michael Kelly

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Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/L1IqaKBp-BQ/parents-just-dont-understand-193

Dating, It’s Complicated: Issue #112

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Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

My boyfriend and I were in the middle of foreplay, when he whispered in my ear in a really sexy voice, “what do you want me to do to you?” I replied with a simple “whatever you want.” After a moments pause he said, “well, the laundry room key is on the table, and there’s detergent in the…” that’s when I punched him in the arm.
Mandy Q

My girlfriend finally joined the rest of the technology world and upgraded her phone to a new Droid. She became addicted and was showing me all the things that it could do that I obviously knew because i have a damn droid. She finds the Maps feature that shows your current location on a map. Excitedly she says, “look it shows me where my phone is in case i lose it!” To which I reply, “what if you lose your phone?” and she actually said, “I can look to see where it is on here!”
Erik H

My girlfriend and I were shopping at wal-mart when we noticed the $5 movies for sale. When looking through the movies I found the “Shawshank Redemption.” After finding this I said “For $5 we really need to buy this.” Her response was “No, that movie looks stupid.” I’ll never look at her the same again.
Austin D

I was dating a girl for about a month. She was fun but wasn’t quite ready to go all the way yet which was fine except she insisted on dry humping which naturally gave me a hard-on but in jeans after a while my “thing” would be pretty much forced against a zip, so while she went to the bathroom I couldn’t stand the pain and let him free…she walked in and dumped me on the spot for being too forward in our relationship. Wasn’t worth the pain.
Marcus B

I’ve been lucky enough to be in a relationship with a girl who has very relaxed and easy going parents. One day, I was coming over for the night, and texted her on the way over to make sure she was home from work. I get a text back saying, “I just hopped in the shower, come join me ;).” I didn’t respond since I was driving. As I pull up into her driveway, I see her dad standing outside holding her cellphone. All I could say was “Well played, sir… well played.” We went inside and had a good laugh.
Chris

For the past 2 months, my girlfriend has been asking me to come over for dinner to meet her parents. I finally give in and go. The next day we’re at my place about to have sex when we realize I ran out of condoms. So I quickly go to the corner store and stand in line with the box of condoms when her dad, who I just met the night before, is right behind me in the line. F***.
-JMW
Jeremy W

After weeks of my boyfriend begging, I finally agreed to wake him up one morning with a blowjob. I got up early and quietly dolled myself up, lingerie and all. As I’m pulling off the blankets, he freaks out and kicks me in the nose, causing me to bleed everywhere. When I run to the bathroom, he falls back asleep. Much to his dismay, there definitely will not be a next time.
D H

An ex actually asked me once, “Are unicorns real? Like I know they don’t exist now…but did they ever exist, like in ancient times?”
Rory B

My girlfriend saw me reading a spider-man comic one day in bed and asked me why I’m reading the comics when I could just watch the movie…she thought spider-man comics were based off the movies… i don’t know if we can still date…
Jesse G

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Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/QtIUGmqr9aU/dating-its-complicated-issue-112

American Voices: 1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls

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1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls

August 18, 2011 |

ISSUE 47•33

According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of cell phones users aged 18 to 29 have feigned calls in the past month to avoid certain social situations. What do you think?

  • What I really hate is when they try to fool you by pretending their hand is a phone.

    Ian O’Brien
    Export Manager

  • Yeah, I’ll admit it’s a pretty convenient dodge. The only downside is getting socked with hefty fees when I go over my pretend minutes.

    Mickey Taylor
    Belt Picker

  • Wow! Really? That’s… Sorry, I’ve got to take this.

    Regan Hill
    Unemployed

Recent American Voices

  • FCC Investigates BART Mobile Shutdown

    08.17.11 | ISSUE 47•33

    The Federal Communications Commission is looking into an incident last week in which Bay Area Rapid Transit allegedly shut down mobile phone service in an effort to prevent a protest over the BART police’s second fatal shooting since 2009.

  • Pawlenty Drops Out

    08.16.11 | ISSUE 47•33

    Following a poor showing in the Iowa straw poll, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty announced Sunday he was no longer seeking to become the Republican nominee for president.

  • Bert And Ernie Not Gay

    08.15.11 | ISSUE 47•33

    Reacting to an online petition calling for Muppets Bert and Ernie to marry, Sesame Street released a statement on its Facebook page explaining that the duo are just friends and do not have a sexual orientation.

  • Iowa Straw Poll Saturday

    08.12.11 | ISSUE 47•33

    The first major indicator of Republican presidential candidates’ viability, the Iowa Straw Poll, takes place this Saturday.

  • Magazine Sales Continue Downward Trend

    08.11.11 | ISSUE 47•32

    Newsstand sales of magazines decreased 9.2 percent in the first half of 2011. What do you think?

Recent News »

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/haRSz_-_sNA/

Parents Just Don’t Understand: #190

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Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your Parents Just Dont Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God well never be as dumb as they are!

My mom was using my computer and found a website that was important to her business. I suggested that she should maybe email herself the link to the website but she and my dad insisted that the website would not open back home. They then proceeded to copy every single page on the website unto a word document. Every.Single.Page. Did I mention they were doing this on my computer?
Tomiwa A from Florida Tech

My Grandpa and I were playing Wii Sports Resort on Table Tennis. My Grandma was watching and asked us, “Why don’t you just sit down and let the guys on the screen play?”
Scipio Africanus

I recently went shopping with my mother. She walked into the Apple Store and I followed her thinking she wanted to buy a new computer. After looking around for a couple seconds, she said to one of the staff members “excuse me, where do you keep your Microwaves?”
Graye Robson

I once had a teacher who tried to show the class a movie. She insisted, over the helpful suggestions of the class, that the best way to fast forward through the previews at the beginning of the DVD was to walk over to the player and physically hold down the fast forward button through all of the previews. Since she only pressed the button once, we proceeded to sit through the previews while they fast forwarded at the slowest speed. The movie took multiple classes to finish, and we sat through the previews each time.
Carver Oblander from Willamette University

My mom was using her iPhone and I asked her what time it was. She turned off her phone and put it away then looked at her watch. She didn’t understand why I was laughing.
k g

My mother recently got a debit card for the first time and was really excited about being able to buy gas without having to go inside with cash. The first time she does this she can’t get it work. So she goes inside and gets one of the workers to figure out what was wrong… She had jammed the whole card in the receipt slot… She was confused why it took so much effort to get it to take her card.
M W

Today I asked my aunt if I could use the computer after she was done. She said she was done she only had to sign off of “the face” Half an hour later, she came out of the room, proudly proclaiming that she had figured out how to sign off without my help. When I checked she had gone offline for chat.
Alex R from ISU

My great aunt answers her house phone every time, not by pressing the talk button, but by pressing the speaker phone button, yet still holding it up to her face as if she answered it normally.
Jacob Wilson

Seems like as you try to help your parents, their intelligence regarding computers just regresses. This one time, I was helping my mom try to email me a bunch of pictures (itself overkill, as she seems to have just discovered the wonder of cameras). So we got her logged in to her email, started composing the email and then we came to the point of attaching the pictures. All of a sudden, she forgot how to click and drag. In attempting to explain the concept, she promptly forgot how one goes about clicking at all. The next day, I received 15 duplicate emails of the same pictures, over and over again.
Siddharth Sadanand from UT

My Mom was having an argument about her Facebook, and I told her to calm down and stop arguing, it’s just a website. She got all offended and said “My Facebook is NOT a website! Not everyone can see it so it’s not a website! It’s private!”
Daniel Miller

Submit yours here!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/collegehumor/articles/~3/oeEMFBGwr-g/parents-just-dont-understand-190