NiniaPimp Magazine

1out of 5

CJ from Colorado on Oct.172011

I have not even recieved my oven yet and I am really afraid it wont be all it was promised to be, here’s why.
I placed my order yesterday through the TV order number.
I wanted to make a one time payment instead of the three they offer.
I asked the lady taking the order several times what my total price would be, and was told the same price every time, each time I was assured that the amount I was given was the TOTAL amount that would taken off my card and no more.
Well much to my surprise I was charged almost $60.00 more than I was quoted.
So I called them today to cancel the order, it has not even been 24 hours since the order was placed, and I was told that the order could not be cancelled.
I could return the order once it is recieved in 4-6 weeks, but I cannot cancel and THANE will keep all SH money….
WHAT, I can return it and they can keep the money, but I CANNOT cancel my order because I was lied to about the amount I would be charged… Pretty sure they havent already shipped out the order in less than 24 hours….
WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT…..WHAT A RACKET….

Originally posted at Buzzillions.com (legalese)

FLAVORWAVE TURBO OVEN
FlavorWave Turbo Oven¨ can perfectly cook your meal up to three times as fast as an ordinary oven. The rapid convection cooking process uses halogen heat to evenly cook food, sealing the juices inside while draining fats and oils up to 500 degrees F. The next generation design circulates infrared w…

1. A unicorn, without a horn, is simply a magical horse.

2. Unicorns are known to bite. Hard.

3 .Nicolas Cage owns six unicorns.

4. Unicorns are very rare (when cooked)

5. Unicorns are born with both male and female genitalia.

6. A unicorn will mate for life. But just as friends.

7. Unicorns still live in segregated neighborhoods. It’s sad, but true.

8. To film the unicorn-related scene in “Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone”, they spent six years tracking down the perfect unicorn.

9. And six seconds killing it.

10. A unicorn without testicles is called a “eunuchorn.”

11. In 2009, “Darnell” surpassed “Sugarlumps” as the most popular name for unicorns.

12. During courtship, the female unicorn is always, always, the one who sues for half his stuff.

13. When migrating south for the winter, most unicorns go to Kenya.

14. The name “unicorn” is actually TOO ironic. If you feed a unicorn actual corn, it will die a terribly painful death.

15. Much like horses are processed to make glue, unicorns are processed to make super glue. If you think about it, it makes so much sense.

16. In their spare time, unicorns really like to curse, play online poker, and smoke cigars while on a motorcycle.

17. Muffinhumps, the world’s oldest unicorn, was actually a bit of an asshole.

18. Number 12 contradicts number 5, but nobody will notice as most unicorns have serious dyslexia.

19. Most unicorns don’t have dreadlocks.

20. The blood of a unicorn cures Hepatitus C, but totally makes your nipples fall off.

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—The University of Virginia published the results of an extensive 18-month study Wednesday revealing that 96 percent of human beings across the planet would strongly prefer to be a singing, dancing animatronic bear.

The UVA researchers, who conducted thousands of surveys with residents of 196 different countries, discovered that despite belonging to diverse socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and age groups, nearly all respondents said their ideal existence would involve being an animatronic bear wearing comfy overalls and a big floppy hat.

“While analyzing the collected data, we found that an overwhelming number of participants claimed the carefree, down-home life of a robotic bear was far more appealing than their own lives,” said Professor Daniel Vaughn, who led the study. “Most expressed a conviction that nothing would be more enjoyable than sitting on a plastic log, strumming a banjo, and singing songs on stage with their goofy animatronic bear friends.”

Vaughn also noted that many people were attracted to the prospect of an animatronic bear’s brief workday, insisting that performing songs for several minutes and then being allowed to power down and sleep for long stretches of time would be superior to a regular job.

In addition, study participants said receiving the adoration of young children, attending birthday parties every day, and working in a place that always smelled like fresh-baked pizza had greatly influenced their preference to be an electromechanical bear.

“Imagine a life in which there’s always a jamboree, it’s always a sunny day, and no one ever troubles you for anything,” said 46-year-old Cleveland native Charley Hale. “You never have to pay taxes, and all you really have to do is blow in a jug a few times, sing some dumb words, and happily smile away with your pretty animatronic girl bear at your side.”

“God, why can’t that be my life?” Hale added.

According to the 320-page study, 96 percent of respondents believe that performing a maximum of six programmed body movements and speaking in a limited number of prerecorded sounds must provide a comforting routine for robot bears, who can relax instead of worrying about what do with their arms and legs, or what to say and think.

“You wouldn’t even have to open the door to your little bear house, because it’s fully automated and pops open by itself,” said Mishkat Zia, 34, a resident of Rangpur, Bangladesh. “You just slide out on a rail and don’t have to stress out about which way you’re going. Plus, you don’t need to learn any of the songs, because they put all of that on a computer chip. And they have the air- conditioning blasting all the time.”

After interviewing thousands of participants, researchers learned that many people envied animatronic bears because they lack brains and are able to lead tranquil lives without ever experiencing doubt, sadness, or pain. The study also found that most people would rather have an animatronic bear’s single, smiling facial expression, which seems to indicate constant happiness.

Sociologist Diana Norris, who examined and analyzed the data from the survey, found that every person in the study expressed concerns about the frailty of the human body, which they felt was inferior to the animatronic bear’s mechanical anatomy.

“Participants were very worried about larger human issues like injuries, illnesses, and aging, but also things like sweating too much, getting fat, smelling bad, and feeling sore,” said Norris, adding that survey respondents liked the idea of being very soft like a bear. “In addition, most noted that if an animatronic bear did have a problem, a technician would repair it right away. A small percentage said even if they stopped working entirely, they would still rather be a nonfunctioning animatronic bear than a human.”

Despite such widespread consensus on robotic bears, 4 percent of participants disagreed, saying they would prefer to be a life-sized wax replica of actor Harrison Ford.

AVONDALE, AZ—According to new projections released Monday, the white members of the Donaldson family are expected to find themselves in the minority by 2027. “Thanks to continued illegal immigration and increasing birth rates, the number of nonwhite ethnicities within the Donaldsons is expected to reach 18 percent by 2021,” confirmed demographer Dr. James Lanier, who reached his projected figure soon after Juan proposed to Marcy in late March. “Once Grandma June finally passes, and Rich and Kim fly abroad to finalize their adoption, that number will spike even higher.” Researchers also estimated the fastest growing population group among the Donaldsons would be Asians, due primarily to Kevin’s dating habits. O

How badly do you want a roster update? That’s the big question you need to ask yourself when contemplating a purchase of MLB 11: The Show for the PSP. The latest edition of Sony’s baseball simulation adds little to its two most recent predecessors aside from some minor tweaks to gameplay and new Major League rosters for the 2011 season. While this is still the best baseball game out there for a handheld, if you have either last year’s game or the 2009 model, you can skip this year and check back next spring.

AI pitchers are believably imperfect in this year’s game.

With that said, there’s no denying how good MLB 11: The Show is on the diamond. This PSP game includes a lot of the best features of its PlayStation 3 big brother, which has been the best arcade baseball sim for a number of years. Most of the key modes of play are included. The role-playing-like Road to the Show leads the way, letting you create a wannabe slugger or ace and guide him to major league stardom. You can also take control of a team in season play, manage a club from the dugout, play one-off exhibition matches, and crank dingers in the home-run derby. All of the MLB rosters have been given an overhaul to reflect offseason signings, so Carl Crawford is now with the Red Sox, Adam Dunn is with the White Sox, Jayson Werth is with the Nationals, and so on. Online support was strangely pulled from the PSP version of the game after 2009, but you can still play ad hoc games against friends locally. There is also no option for full franchise play controlling a club over multiple seasons, nor are there any training modes to help you with pitching, batting, or fielding. Despite lacking a number of common features, this is a game with a great deal of depth.

Road to the Show is much the same as it was in past years, so plate appearances remain all-or-nothing deals. Fail in your goal, and either you come away with zero training points to be put toward skill improvements or you actually get docked. This system is neither as fair nor as authentic as the PS3 game, which handed out points even for failures. On that platform, for example, batters got rewarded for such things as working the count, hammering the ball deep, or doing just about anything else to keep the opposing hurler on his toes. This system should have been ported over to the PSP.

On the diamond, MLB is as strong as ever. Gameplay basics are similar to those in the past couple of games. Just about every pitch, swing, and fielding attempt plays out exactly as it does in real baseball. The pitcher-batter duel has been tweaked a bit to add even more realism. AI pitchers have more chinks in their armor. Their control isn’t as perfect as it has been in past years, leaving you free to take more pitches and work counts. You absolutely have to take your time in the batter’s box, because if you flail at everything and anything, the pitcher recognizes this and starts throwing balls all over the place. Pitching isn’t quite so lifelike, due to AI batters that all seem to have the eye of Ted Williams. It can be hard to get them to chase anything out of the zone. Strikeouts are more commonplace than before, but you still have to go right across the plate with meatballs far too often to avoid walks.

That giant glove isn’t the only park feature that’s able to catch the ball.
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LG is no stranger to stereo Bluetooth headsets. From the compact HBS-200 to the more gym-friendly HBS-250, LG has usually stuck to the same behind-the-neck philosophy with its headset design. That continues with its more recent offering, the LG HBS-700. However, the HBS-700 features a number of innovative improvements that set it apart from its predecessors–it’s much more comfortable, for example–and because of that, it has earned its spot as one of the better-designed headsets we’ve ever tried. The LG HBS-700 retails for $69.99.

Design
The HBS-700 certainly looks unusual. It consists of two cylindrical pods connected via an 8.5-inch flexible neckband, with a wired earbud coming out of each pod. Each wired earbud is threaded through two plastic loops that you can slide along the neckband to the spot you find most comfortable. The overall effect is kind of messy-looking, with wires flapping about when you first pick the headset up. However, LG cleverly incorporated magnetic pockets at the end of each cylindrical pod. These pockets are made to house the earbuds so that they don’t fly around wildly when not in use.

To wear the HBS-700, simply place the neckband around your neck with the two pods hanging around your shoulders like two ends of a scarf. The neckband is made out of an ultralight shape memory alloy so that it conforms to the shape of your neck. Indeed, it felt very comfortable and lightweight when we tried it on. When you want to use the earbuds, just pop them out of the aforementioned pockets and place them in your ear. The earbuds, clad in soft rubber covers, sit snugly inside the ear. LG has included a couple more earbud covers in case you want different size options.

Because of this configuration, we had no difficulty wearing glasses while using the headset. This is unlike most behind-the-neck headsets, and we were grateful.

As you might expect, the two pods are where the controls are housed. The right pod is home to the play/pause button plus the track shuttle keys, while the left pod houses the call button, the volume rocker, the on/off switch, and the Micro-USB charging jack. On the whole, we found the controls easy to use. The buttons are raised above the surface and easy to find by feel.

Features
The LG HBS-700 provides the usual capability to answer, reject, and end calls. It also has last number redial, call waiting support, and auto reconnect. There’s also a Bluetooth ringtone answering function that will play your phone’s ringtone for incoming calls through the headset. If you’re listening to music when a call comes in, the headset will vibrate on one side. The headset also has multipoint support, meaning you can connect to two devices at once. However, when you’re in multipoint mode, you won’t be able to use the music streaming function.

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Companionship can be tricky business, especially when it involves hunting down and killing murderous witches that are intent on exacting bloody vengeance on all humanity. In Knights Contract, you play as an immortal executioner named Heinrich, who tears through his unholy enemies with a fearsome scythe-bladed, hammer-headed weapon. Your companion is Gretchen, a witch who hunts her fallen kin and supports Heinrich with a deadly array of spells. With their powers combined, you cut a bloody swath across the medieval world, engaging enemies in gruesome and satisfying combat. At its best, Knights Contract lets you revel in the brutal action and intriguing world design. At its worst, it confounds you with cheap deaths, ruthless quick-time events, and mazelike levels. Knights Contract is not a journey for the faint of heart, but those willing to suffer some hardships will ultimately find satisfaction in a world well saved.

6300333NoneYou can call it a thorn-ado if you want, but Heinrich probably wouldn’t approve.

Being cursed with immortality is a pretty rough gig, it seems, and Heinrich is eager to shuffle off his mortal coil. So when a witch named Gretchen comes around and offers to do just that, he agrees to accompany her on her quest. You soon find out that the two have a history that is intricately entwined with that of the evil witches devoted to destroying humanity. Though the writing is often lackluster, the tale that unfolds is an interesting one, and as Heinrich and Gretchen unearth the betrayals of the past, there are some intriguing revelations and touching moments. The two don’t have much chemistry, but the story draws you in and works well. And though they don’t match the excellent animation of the videos that run when you let the game linger on the title screen, each new cutscene is a welcome one.

Throughout the majority of Knights Contract, you play as Heinrich. Using light and heavy attacks in conjunction with grapples and dodges, you slash and smash your way through legions of enemies using a weapon that is part scythe, part hammer, and part switchblade. Combos are easy to string together and don’t get much more involved than a certain number of light attacks followed by a certain number of heavy attacks. There isn’t a lot of complexity here, and it sometimes feels like just a step or two above simple button mashing. Despite this simplicity, you are encouraged to master Heinrich’s moves. A combo ranking system gives bonuses that can be used to increase your power, and end-of-level score breakdowns and online leaderboards provide a competitive outlet for motivated players. The clangs of smashed armor and squishes of sundered flesh provide additional rewards of their own.

While it is inherently satisfying to carve up baddies, combat wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable without Gretchen lending her magical prowess to your onslaughts. She is an AI character and will defend herself with a few small spells, but you choose when she unleashes the good stuff. These magical attacks can entwine enemies in thorny vines or impale them with spikes. They can magnify your scythe to a bigger size or create a succession of shadow scythes so that one swing hits four times. Catching an enemy in these attacks makes you feel even more powerful because your skills are magically compounded. You eventually unlock more spells than you can fit in the four available slots, so you have to choose which ones you want equipped at what time. Not every enemy or boss is susceptible to the same magic, and finding the right spell can make combat easier and bloodier. As you earn souls from killing enemies, you can upgrade your spells to make them even nastier, so that single phantom sword can turn into a deadly parade of swords that chases your enemies around the arena.

Waggle like you’ve never waggled before.

Assaulting your foes with magical and martial attacks is gratifying, and executing gruesome finishers puts an exclamation point on the whole affair. When you hit a weakened enemy with a magical attack, a button prompt gives you a chance to finish with style. That toothy trap you laid suddenly becomes a chomping, devouring maw, and those swords impale your enemies and split them into bloody chunks. Finding the right finisher for the right situation can boost your combo rating, earning you more souls and pouring points into your witch point gauge. Once this gauge is full, you can choose who gets to unleash it. If you choose Heinrich, he turns into a hulking minotaur that can dish out a huge amount of damage in a short time. If you choose Gretchen, she immediately makes all (or almost all) of your foes vanish from the screen. Well, not quite immediately. First, your enemies are transported to a formless blue realm. Then, they are struck down by a giant blue naked Gretchen. Her action might be simple, like closing her fist on the enemies in the palm of her hand, or it might be more provocative, like crushing the enemies positioned on her knee by crossing her leg a la Basic Instinct. There’s an array of poses that big blue Gretchen can strike, but almost all of them involve a degree of nudity that, while not quite explicit, certainly is immodest.

Next page

Companionship can be tricky business, especially when it involves hunting down and killing murderous witches that are intent on exacting bloody vengeance on all humanity. In Knights Contract, you play as an immortal executioner named Heinrich, who tears through his unholy enemies with a fearsome scythe-bladed, hammer-headed weapon. Your companion is Gretchen, a witch who hunts her fallen kin and supports Heinrich with a deadly array of spells. With their powers combined, you cut a bloody swath across the medieval world, engaging enemies in gruesome and satisfying combat. At its best, Knights Contract lets you revel in the brutal action and intriguing world design. At its worst, it confounds you with cheap deaths, ruthless quick-time events, and mazelike levels. Knights Contract is not a journey for the faint of heart, but those willing to suffer some hardships will ultimately find satisfaction in a world well saved.

6301140NoneThere are a delightful variety of ways to finish off your opponents.

Being cursed with immortality is a pretty rough gig, it seems, and Heinrich is eager to shuffle off his mortal coil. So when a witch named Gretchen comes around and offers to do just that, he agrees to accompany her on her quest. You soon find out that the two have a history that is intricately entwined with that of the evil witches devoted to destroying humanity. Though the writing is often lackluster, the tale that unfolds is an interesting one, and as Heinrich and Gretchen unearth the betrayals of the past, there are some intriguing revelations and touching moments. The two don’t have much chemistry, but the story draws you in and works well. And though they don’t match the excellent animation of the videos that run when you let the game linger on the title screen, each new cutscene is a welcome one.

Throughout the majority of Knights Contract, you play as Heinrich. Using light and heavy attacks in conjunction with grapples and dodges, you slash and smash your way through legions of enemies using a weapon that is part scythe, part hammer, and part switchblade. Combos are easy to string together and don’t get much more involved than a certain number of light attacks followed by a certain number of heavy attacks. There isn’t a lot of complexity here, and it sometimes feels like just a step or two above simple button mashing. Despite this simplicity, you are encouraged to master Heinrich’s moves. A combo ranking system gives bonuses that can be used to increase your power, and end-of-level score breakdowns and online leaderboards provide a competitive outlet for motivated players. The clangs of smashed armor and squishes of sundered flesh provide additional rewards of their own.

While it is inherently satisfying to carve up baddies, combat wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable without Gretchen lending her magical prowess to your onslaughts. She is an AI character and will defend herself with a few small spells, but you choose when she unleashes the good stuff. These magical attacks can entwine enemies in thorny vines or impale them with spikes. They can magnify your scythe to a bigger size or create a succession of shadow scythes so that one swing hits four times. Catching an enemy in these attacks makes you feel even more powerful because your skills are magically compounded. You eventually unlock more spells than you can fit in the four available slots, so you have to choose which ones you want equipped at what time. Not every enemy or boss is susceptible to the same magic, and finding the right spell can make combat easier and bloodier. As you earn souls from killing enemies, you can upgrade your spells to make them even nastier, so that single phantom sword can turn into a deadly parade of swords that chases your enemies around the arena.

So that’s what cutting a swath looks like!

Assaulting your foes with magical and martial attacks is gratifying, and executing gruesome finishers puts an exclamation point on the whole affair. When you hit a weakened enemy with a magical attack, a button prompt gives you a chance to finish with style. That toothy trap you laid suddenly becomes a chomping, devouring maw, and those swords impale your enemies and split them into bloody chunks. Finding the right finisher for the right situation can boost your combo rating, earning you more souls and pouring points into your witch point gauge. Once this gauge is full, you can choose who gets to unleash it. If you choose Heinrich, he turns into a hulking minotaur that can dish out a huge amount of damage in a short time. If you choose Gretchen, she immediately makes all (or almost all) of your foes vanish from the screen. Well, not quite immediately. First, your enemies are transported to a formless blue realm. Then, they are struck down by a giant blue naked Gretchen. Her action might be simple, like closing her fist on the enemies in the palm of her hand, or it might be more provocative, like crushing the enemies positioned on her knee by crossing her leg a la Basic Instinct. There’s an array of poses that big blue Gretchen can strike, but almost all of them involve a degree of nudity that, while not quite explicit, certainly is immodest.

Next page