NiniaPimp Magazine

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

I was working at a haunted house and my job was to basically get violently murdered every time a new group of kids came in. One time as the kids were clearing out, one of their dads groped me.
Elle B

A few weeks ago at the clothing store I work for, a woman came in demanding a refund for some destroyed-style jeans her daughter had purchased, which she claimed were damaged. I politely asked her if she could please point out the damage for me and hand me her receipt (which she didn’t have). She replied by asking me if I was “f*cking retarded” and motioned to the intentional rips down the front of the jeans.
Shannon C

I was babysitting a very spoiled little girl and her mother asked me to get her to clean her room before the maid came. The room was not that messy, but two soiled pull-ups lay on the floor. The little girl agrees to carry one pull-up to the trashcan downstairs, but proceeds to throw a 30 minute tantrum because I refused to dispose of the other pull-up for her. The girl was 8 years old.
Jan Mullen

Our only IT guy at work won’t let me download Firefox because he’s afraid it will give my computer a virus. Instead, I’ve been using an out-dated version of Internet Explorer.
Cara E

As I turned 16 I decided to get a job at McDonald’s. During my first hour, I was asked to work in the back-room, as the guy in their was having some problems, I was told. It turned out the guy couldn’t read (not so much of a problem with that, I’m just setting a scene).
Anyway, after the hour I was sent to learn French Fries. The guy teaching me was an odd sort – mainly as he didn’t utter a word to me. After 10 minutes, I saw he drop something into the vat of fat, just out the corner of my eye. He then went on to reach INTO the bubbling hot fat to fish it out whatever it was that he dropped. 5 minutes of screaming followed, he then went to the hospital.
After that some one got electrocuted playing with a plug socket.

Honest.
One love McD.
Michael Hopkin

Today a ‘fresh off the streets’ bum came into work looking for a job and we told him we were full staffed and not hiring. He was nice but kind of loopy and giggly. He then said he had a Louisville slugger bat at home that he would happily use on new hires’ kneecaps in order to get the job. He was laughing but, I don’t get the idea he was joking.
zed du

I used to work at a movie theater a 20 theater cineplex, and one day a big festival in town was rained out. We had three ushers on shift(the clean up people), and one had to tear tickets, well every movie was sold out, and the managers refused to call anyone in. Well the other usher and I had to push all the trash under the seats, and at the end of the day i left a note to the Night crew saying sorry, and why it was so dirty. the next day my manager chews me out for telling the night crew how he was to cheap to have some more people come in.
Justin a

I work in the IT Dept. We had a server crash over the weekend.

I came in on Monday and had our HR manager ask me to make sure we let her know in advance the next time it’s going to happen.
T P

Submit yours here!

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? If you’ve got an example of your Parents Just Dont Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God well never be as dumb as they are!

My mom was using my computer and found a website that was important to her business. I suggested that she should maybe email herself the link to the website but she and my dad insisted that the website would not open back home. They then proceeded to copy every single page on the website unto a word document. Every.Single.Page. Did I mention they were doing this on my computer?
Tomiwa A from Florida Tech

My Grandpa and I were playing Wii Sports Resort on Table Tennis. My Grandma was watching and asked us, “Why don’t you just sit down and let the guys on the screen play?”
Scipio Africanus

I recently went shopping with my mother. She walked into the Apple Store and I followed her thinking she wanted to buy a new computer. After looking around for a couple seconds, she said to one of the staff members “excuse me, where do you keep your Microwaves?”
Graye Robson

I once had a teacher who tried to show the class a movie. She insisted, over the helpful suggestions of the class, that the best way to fast forward through the previews at the beginning of the DVD was to walk over to the player and physically hold down the fast forward button through all of the previews. Since she only pressed the button once, we proceeded to sit through the previews while they fast forwarded at the slowest speed. The movie took multiple classes to finish, and we sat through the previews each time.
Carver Oblander from Willamette University

My mom was using her iPhone and I asked her what time it was. She turned off her phone and put it away then looked at her watch. She didn’t understand why I was laughing.
k g

My mother recently got a debit card for the first time and was really excited about being able to buy gas without having to go inside with cash. The first time she does this she can’t get it work. So she goes inside and gets one of the workers to figure out what was wrong… She had jammed the whole card in the receipt slot… She was confused why it took so much effort to get it to take her card.
M W

Today I asked my aunt if I could use the computer after she was done. She said she was done she only had to sign off of “the face” Half an hour later, she came out of the room, proudly proclaiming that she had figured out how to sign off without my help. When I checked she had gone offline for chat.
Alex R from ISU

My great aunt answers her house phone every time, not by pressing the talk button, but by pressing the speaker phone button, yet still holding it up to her face as if she answered it normally.
Jacob Wilson

Seems like as you try to help your parents, their intelligence regarding computers just regresses. This one time, I was helping my mom try to email me a bunch of pictures (itself overkill, as she seems to have just discovered the wonder of cameras). So we got her logged in to her email, started composing the email and then we came to the point of attaching the pictures. All of a sudden, she forgot how to click and drag. In attempting to explain the concept, she promptly forgot how one goes about clicking at all. The next day, I received 15 duplicate emails of the same pictures, over and over again.
Siddharth Sadanand from UT

My Mom was having an argument about her Facebook, and I told her to calm down and stop arguing, it’s just a website. She got all offended and said “My Facebook is NOT a website! Not everyone can see it so it’s not a website! It’s private!”
Daniel Miller

Submit yours here!

Their favorite movie is:

Submitted by: Paul

Incorrect source or offensive?

• ‘); return false;” href=”http://www.smiletagth.is”Tag This With Your Smile
• Copy paste this:
  a href=”http://failblog.org/2011/08/12/epic-fail-photos-hooters-sign-fail/?utm_source=embedutm_medium=webutm_campaign=sharewidget”img class=’event-item-lol-image’ src=’http://ninjapimp.com/wp-content/plugins/rss-poster/cache/c6062_epic-fail-photos-hooters-sign-fail.jpg’ alt=”epic fail photos – Hooters Sign FAIL” title=”epic fail photos – Hooters Sign FAIL” height=”375px” width=”500px” //abr /see more a href=”http://failblog.org?utm_source=embedutm_medium=webutm_campaign=sharewidget”funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!/a

You May Like:

This fail picture or video was posted on Friday, August 12th, 2011 at 6:00 am

Gravity’s Rainbow: So, what do you think? Is he going to read us tonight?

Infinite Jest: Well, let’s see. It looks like the TV is still working, as is the Internet, so…no. Absolutely not.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Oh, come on. Stop being so cynical. Didn’t he take you to the coffee shop last weekend?

Infinite Jest: Yeah, he sure did! And do you know what we did there? First, he made sure to prominently display my cover to the barista while he was ordering. Then he turned to page 348—never mind that he hasn’t read pages one through 347 yet—and blankly stared at it until he decided that no attractive people were going to ask him about me today. Then we went home. And that was it.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Stop complaining. I once had to take a four-hour bus ride with this kid. He read me for five minutes and then put his iPod in and fell asleep. Fell asleep on me. The New York Times described me as one of the “most ambitious novels in years,” not “a great pillow.”

Infinite Jest: Do you know what I heard him say the other day? His roommate was asking him about me, and he said, “Maybe some day they’ll make a movie out of it.” Can you believe that? He thinks they’ll make a movie out of me! Can you imagine anyone being able to pull that off?

Gravity’s Rainbow: What about Christopher Nolan?

Infinite Jest: …ok, maybe. Maybe Christopher Nolan. But he’s got other projects to worry about right now. Doesn’t he?

Gravity’s Rainbow: I think so.

Infinite Jest: Right, of course he does, so it’s totally ridiculous to think that he could apply the same staggering talents for storytelling and character development he displayed in The Dark Knight and Inception to make my labyrinthine plotting accessible to an entirely new audience. Not even worth thinking about, really.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Look, the kid’s only 23. It’s not like he’s dying anytime soon. There’s still a chance he could read us.

Infinite Jest: Nope. Not gonna happen. He already memorized a few names of the years in here, so he can reference those and talk about how funny he thinks the concept of sponsored years is in conversation easily enough to make people think he’s read me. And that’s all he really needs to do.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Hey, I can get frustrated with him too, ok? A few months ago he opened up to one of my pages about erections, and it seemed like we were finally making a connection, but then I lost him once it got back to quantum mechanics. And that still hurts. But he’s the one who bought us, so whether he needs us as reading material or just as props to radiate an aura of faux-intellectualism, we need to be there for him.

Infinite Jest: Easy there, Woody. Last time I checked we weren’t in a Pixar movie. We were in a 23-year-old paralegal’s apartment.

Gravity’s Rainbow: I’m just saying, he did spend money on us, right? That shows some level of commitment. Maybe he’ll feel obligated to give us a try eventually.

Infinite Jest: His last name is Dixon. Not Steinberg.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Whoa! Ok, now that was just inappropriate.

Infinite Jest: I know, I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…I can only sit here and watch him spend hours on these websites put together by people who haven’t received MacArthur Fellowships for so many nights, you know? Did he ever think that maybe I might have something more important to say to him than Shaq’s Twitter?

Gravity’s Rainbow: To be fair, that account is pretty funny. Remember when he wrote that thing about the performance enhancing Frosted Flakes?

Infinite Jest: Look, I don’t want to make this into a contest about me vs. Shaq. I can’t win that, obviously. My point is, he could really benefit by reading some dense postmodern tomes! I think he’d be surprised at the number of similarities there are between his own life and Quebecois separatism.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Well, hey, check it out! He’s walking over here right now! Maybe he’s going to give us a try tonight after all!

Infinite Jest: Please. He’s getting a Playboy. Huh, maybe the Internet isn’t working tonight after all.

Gravity’s Rainbow: A Playboy? Did you know that there was a Playboy right underneath us?

Infinite Jest: If I knew that, would I be talking to you?

Gravity’s Rainbow: Good point. Who’s on the cover?

Infinite Jest: Carmen Electra.

Gravity’s Rainbow: Ooh, nice. Hell, with that lying around I wouldn’t read us either.