NiniaPimp Magazine

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

I was working at a haunted house and my job was to basically get violently murdered every time a new group of kids came in. One time as the kids were clearing out, one of their dads groped me.
Elle B

A few weeks ago at the clothing store I work for, a woman came in demanding a refund for some destroyed-style jeans her daughter had purchased, which she claimed were damaged. I politely asked her if she could please point out the damage for me and hand me her receipt (which she didn’t have). She replied by asking me if I was “f*cking retarded” and motioned to the intentional rips down the front of the jeans.
Shannon C

I was babysitting a very spoiled little girl and her mother asked me to get her to clean her room before the maid came. The room was not that messy, but two soiled pull-ups lay on the floor. The little girl agrees to carry one pull-up to the trashcan downstairs, but proceeds to throw a 30 minute tantrum because I refused to dispose of the other pull-up for her. The girl was 8 years old.
Jan Mullen

Our only IT guy at work won’t let me download Firefox because he’s afraid it will give my computer a virus. Instead, I’ve been using an out-dated version of Internet Explorer.
Cara E

As I turned 16 I decided to get a job at McDonald’s. During my first hour, I was asked to work in the back-room, as the guy in their was having some problems, I was told. It turned out the guy couldn’t read (not so much of a problem with that, I’m just setting a scene).
Anyway, after the hour I was sent to learn French Fries. The guy teaching me was an odd sort – mainly as he didn’t utter a word to me. After 10 minutes, I saw he drop something into the vat of fat, just out the corner of my eye. He then went on to reach INTO the bubbling hot fat to fish it out whatever it was that he dropped. 5 minutes of screaming followed, he then went to the hospital.
After that some one got electrocuted playing with a plug socket.

Honest.
One love McD.
Michael Hopkin

Today a ‘fresh off the streets’ bum came into work looking for a job and we told him we were full staffed and not hiring. He was nice but kind of loopy and giggly. He then said he had a Louisville slugger bat at home that he would happily use on new hires’ kneecaps in order to get the job. He was laughing but, I don’t get the idea he was joking.
zed du

I used to work at a movie theater a 20 theater cineplex, and one day a big festival in town was rained out. We had three ushers on shift(the clean up people), and one had to tear tickets, well every movie was sold out, and the managers refused to call anyone in. Well the other usher and I had to push all the trash under the seats, and at the end of the day i left a note to the Night crew saying sorry, and why it was so dirty. the next day my manager chews me out for telling the night crew how he was to cheap to have some more people come in.
Justin a

I work in the IT Dept. We had a server crash over the weekend.

I came in on Monday and had our HR manager ask me to make sure we let her know in advance the next time it’s going to happen.
T P

Submit yours here!

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

My boss (the CEO) just asked me to “fix” an excel spreadsheet, because there were too many ###‘s in it.
J C

I had a job at a pizza shop and it was a miserable experience, but I told myself I wouldn’t quit until I had a new job lined up. However, one slow evening while doing inventory in the freezer, my manager decided it would be oh so funny to lock me inside and turn out the lights. I spent five minutes in complete darkness and in below freezing temperatures. I quit the next day.
Kyra K

I work as a loss prevention investigator at a retail store (stop shop lifter’s). One day my boss and I attempted to stop a woman for stealing $140 worth of merchandise ranging from clothes to candles (all of which she fit in her purse somehow). Anyways, as we tried to stop her but she refused to stop. She just kept walking and walked into the grocery store next door. I went to inform the other stores LP of the situation and my boss continued to follow the woman to the bathroom, where the woman locked herself. Meanwhile the police were contacted and I waited outside to explain the situation to the officers. Once the officers arrived we walked back to the bathroooms to meet up with my boss. Turns out the woman had shit her pants while attempting to flee us. The woman panicked when she realized that there were two cops waiting outside the bathroom and tried to flush the merchandise she had stolen. The worst part was she didn’t flush the mess first. All of the merchandise was pulled out of the toilet and put into a plastic garbage can which i got to take back to our store and sort through the shit and toilet paper covered merchandise. It wasn’t all bad though, after the cops finished questioning her they paraded her down the sidewalk next to a crowded parking lot in handcuffs with a shit stain on her pants back to my office so I could do my report and questioning.
Nick S.

I have worked at Subway for 2 years now and I have had some pretty crappy things happen. One night, I was closing and was the only worker. I was finishing up with one customer when these 2 guys came in. They started whispering and pointing at the food and laughing. I just thought they were the typical “drunk-on-a-Friday-night-coming-in-to-cause-trouble” guys.
Anyway, I went over and asked them the typical question and the dreaded joke came out after asking them “Would you like a footlong or a 6 inch?” “Well… can you handle a footlong?” To which I replied “Oh you know I can handle a footlong. But unfortunately you can’t even give me a 4 inch.” All his friends died laughing, and for once I felt like I had an awesome day at work.
Alwaysfresh Myass

For the past 3 months I had a part time job as a computer technician for an internet cafe. Before I got there they had their computers running with no virus protection and allowed the users to make all the changes to the hard drive they wanted. I configured their computers to automatically revert to a good disc image every night which meant that any users changes during the day were reverted. They got rid of me 2 weeks ago because “the computers aren’t breaking anymore and all I do there is surf the internet and don’t work.” Before I left I just shut off the imaging service I started. About a week later they called me back up and said their computers were breaking again. I guess I did more repairing computers than they realized while I was “just playing on the internet.”
Justin Jones

I work at a retail chain and as I’m working one night a customer comes up to me informing me of a spill on one of the aisles. I was stationed anywhere near there, but since I was told it was more or less my obligation to clean it up. I get over there to find that someone had pooped in the middle of the aisle. As disgusted as I was I cleaned it and put tons of air freshener over it. As soon as I finish some kid knocks over a candle which shatters on the floor and so I had to clean that. Then I get called up to the cash register since there were too many customers waiting, which usually takes maybe 15 minutes, and ended up there the rest of the night. To top it all off my manager yelled at me at the end of the night for not doing the job I was assigned to.
Jake H.

Submit yours here!

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

I work at a large department store in the electronics section. One time, i was doing some cleaning, when i noticed a man climbing the racks that held the TV’s. I asked him “Excuse me sir?” and he promptly responded with “Don’t worry, i am just plugging in this microwave”. Confused, i walked off and called a manager, but before i could even get through to them, i heard the microwave in use, and went back over to see what was happening. The man was using the microwave to cook his noodles. I started to laugh, and in the middle of my hysterics, he walked over to the counter and grabbed at the store pager. Before i could reach him, he spoke into the microphone, for the whole store to hear “Hey Brett, your noodles are ready at the electronics section”. I had a hard time explaining how this was allowed to happen to my manager.
M J

I work on the helpdesk of an IT company, and one day my boss tells me that one of the hard drives in one of the servers has failed. He asked me to go into the server room and find out which drive had a red light on it, as opposed to a green light. There are around 200 hard drives, and I am red-green colourblind. I spent 20 minutes searching for a red light before I gave up.
Chris Gill

I work as a radio host in a small town. Now, radio announcers are a breed all their own. We are all pretty weird but our fans are straight out of the wood work. I had this one regular listener who liked to email me during the show. One day the guy is going on about bacon and tells me about the whole case of bacon he just bought. He proceeded to tell me how he likes to cook his bacon and then asked and I quote “do you also like to fry up and eat bacon?” I also got some request letters from listeners in prison. For some reason, some of them sent letters written in red ink and it shows through the envelope. Needless to say, I’m always relieved to open red written letter to find that it’s pen and not blood.
Adrianna Smith

I work at a grocery store as a stock boy, and one day as I finished stocking the ice cream section a lady comes up and asks where a specific brand of non sugar ice cream is. After I tell her that we do not carry that particular brand she proceded to freak out because a different store in the city has it and she knocks down all the ice cream off the shelves i just finished stocking. It took me an hour clean it up.
Johnny Hopkins

I work as a shift-runner at a local pizza restaurant. The other day, we were robbed at gunpoint about thirty minutes before closing time. The robber got what he wanted and no employees got injured. As per company policy, we locked the doors after he left and called the police and the store owner. I’m the only employee who didn’t have their phone stolen, and am trying to get a hold of the owner. I called both his house and cell phone more than twenty times each. Finally, I left a voicemail explaining the situation and asked him to call us back as soon as possible. Ten minutes later, he calls back and asks “Did you guys just get robbed? How much money did we lose?” The conversation goes on for about four or five minutes and ended with me finally saying, “Oh, and nobody got injured in case you were wondering…”
Jim T

I work in a nice restaurant in a rich suburb and typically have to deal with snooty assholes with ridiculous demands. There’s this one regular who frequently comes in and tells her server just a little too much about her life. Her latest story- how she was attacked by a man with a knife who is now in prison until 2036. All i wanted to do was drop off her wine, but she kept me there for 10 minutes to describe every horrifyingly graphic detail of the attack. Who does that??
Maddie Corydon

I got a job as a busboy at a new restaurant in town, and in the mornings before opening they made us stock the bathrooms and one morning my buddy and i were cleaning the womens bathroom, which was usually more disgusting due to tampons, and in the handicap stall there was this small bag with brown marks on it. My buddy thought it was a sun glass case, he touched it and i screamed when i recognized what it was, a colonostomy , or shit-bag for post surgery people. So i gloved up and picked it up while shit started to flow out of the opening and drip on the floor. Guess who cleaned that up too.
Tristan Idaho

Submit yours here!