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Posts Tagged ‘isn’

10.29
11

I Prefer the Term "Crack Enthusiast"

by admin ·

Hey guys. Dwayne. Pete. Ryan. Look, I’m sure you guys mean well with this whole ‘intervention’ thing but it’s misplaced, not to mention hurtful. I mean, guys: I’m not a crack addict-I’m a crack enthusiast.

There’s a huge difference, okay Dwayne? What I do between these three-and-a-half walls is my business, and my business alone. I’m a responsible and oftentimes-law abiding citizen: don’t I deserve this? Sometimes after a long day of hustling for crack, I’ll just want to relax with some sweet, sweet crack. Who doesn’t like to relax? I mean, no one looks twice at Jacob when his “two beers” suddenly turns into four; but I smoke a little crack and have a razor-fight with my suddenly self-aware beard and I’m the one with the “substance problem” and “severe cuts”. How unfair is that?

I like my crack, guys. Don’t make a federal case out of this, okay? Seriously. Don’t.

You guys are being prudes. I’m not an addict; I’m just a fan, and more importantly, a well informed consumer. For example, my last pipe was of some really great vintage stuff from 122nd street. A Tuesday batch, with the powdery undertones of baking soda. Quite delectable; try telling that to a “crack fiend” okay? They wouldn’t be able to tell you the difference between Yeti Stone and Beige Bomber if their lives depended on it. And don’t I deserve to spoil myself a little, after all the horrible things I had to do to earn this crack? I think so. Crack is just a fun little hobby of mine, just like my other new hobby, selling sex for money to buy crack with.

You guys are being so dramatic; yikes! You sound like my parole officer here! You’ve got to look at the bigger picture. I mean, does Logan live in a “baseball house”? Of course not! He’s just a regular guy who happens to like baseball, and besides, he lives in my crack-house anyway, so I guess the point is moot. What I mean is that someone isn’t defined by just one of their passions, just like their sexuality isn’t defined by whatever horrible, horrible things they do to score their next fix.

I don’t have a drug problem, guys. That’s crazy to say. I mean, if anything, my biggest problem is when I don’t have drugs! Am I right? Am I-, oh, come on, dudes. That line totally killed in the holding cells.

Do I have a drug habit? No; but do I have an awesome, laid back fun drug hobby? You can bet your last crumpled and shameful dollar I do! But really, at its core, it’s just a small social thing. If I’m with a friend like Kevin or, say, Crackhead Paul, well yeah, maybe we’ll smoke for a few days. It’s nothing, guys. Maybe we’ll just hang out or order some pizza, or take a quick drive to China, or fight the spiders, oh God, all the spiders. It’s a nice fun time and no one gets hurt, because, as I’ve explained a thousand times before, those “pedestrians” were ghost-monsters anyway, sent by the spider-king Juhr.

Hmm. So be it. I think you can see yourself out past the roaches. And if you ever want to apologize, well, you can come over here and smoke the peace pipe with me. Just do me a solid and advance me some cash. Come on guys. You know I’m good for it.

10.15
11

The Shortest Presidential Campaign On Record*

by admin ·

*this statement was not confirmed by checking actual records

October 2011


4:42 P.M.

As I watched every politician, television pundit, and one time corporate stooge announce their intention to join the race for the White House, I started to consider making my own run for the presidency. Hey, I have a lot to offer and I think the campaign process could actually be fun. I like kissing babies and it seems like a waste to not make use of the chemically enhanced smile I wore 48 gooey plastic strips to obtain. And besides, I don’t mind if Anne Coulter wants to call me a faggot.

So let’s just get it over with…I’m running for president. There. I said it. No big announcement. No theme song. No big deal. Isn’t that refreshing?

I’ve made a conscious decision to eschew the traditional path – graduating with honors, military service, temporary term as a small time politician. Those things simply aren’t my style. I’ve also chosen to ignore the fact that I am still too young to run for the office according to the antiquated laws of this great nation of ours. But I figure, if we’ve learned anything from W.’s two election victories, it’s that the laws of this country and presidential elections reside in realms so distant from one another that even President Obama could not straddle the two. (I’d like to point out that the previous sentence was my first dig against an opponent since officially declaring my presidency in the previous paragraph).

Where was I? My thoughts have started to wander… God almighty! Do I have to place top three in a primary before I can have a campaign staff to keep my thoughts straight?! I shouldn’t have lost my cool like that. This would never happen to Mitt Romney. He’s too smooth to let himself get rattled by wandering thoughts. But then again his thoughts don’t wander and he’s never at a loss for words. His words come straight from the mouth of God. I’ll admit it. He’s got me there. Acting as a conduit for God is not a feather I can put in my cap. (But if elected president, I would promise to wear a cap with at least one feather every day while I’m in office.) Now back to Mitt… and God. Do we really want God running this country? We threw him out a long time ago. And then W. brought him right back. He talked to God all the time, got advice, and quite frankly, if I can be honest, I think God has made a few bad decisions lately. He’s like the Ben Affleck of the metaphysical world. We all think he’s a great guy but everyone would be much happier if he’d just lay low for a while.

But I don’t want to get caught up in mud-slinging and name calling. I’m above all that. And besides, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann have been doing enough of that lately to keep everyone covered in mud while reciting children’s rhymes about sticks and stones. Speaking of stones, who knew they could be racist?!

Wow. This campaign business isn’t easy. There’s so much to remember, where you stand on every issue, who you’ve already insulted, who still needs to be insulted. I’m tired and confused already. And I’m just getting started!

Forget it. I’m not going to run for president. It’s too much work, too much travel, and costs too much money. Good luck to my fellow candidates. May your hotels have four stars, your private jets always be on time, and your haircuts cost more than the GNP of Romania.

09.19
11

AUVIO® Earbuds Review

by admin ·

5 stars

Audio Tweaker from Miami, Florida on Sep.112011

5out of 5

After these earphones, my music just isn’t the same I cant hear the bass like i used to, the music doesnt seem to reach my ear, the quality is awful, you only notice how bad the original iPod earphones are after youve worn these, Im looking for them at a store and havent seen them guess ill keep looking or buy them online, most definitely buy these, these are the best in earphones and a strong contender against quality headphones.

Originally posted at Buzzillions.com (legalese)

AUVIO® Earbuds
Immerse yourself in sound with these AUVIO earbuds.

04.4
11

Lodi Interview (Wrestler)

by admin ·

Brad “Lodi” Cain Interview
NinjaPimp’s Exclusive Interview!
lodi
Lodi, WCW’s West Hollywood Blonde!

First off, can you tell us the address of your website? My wrestling web site is www.lodirulz.com and my gym is www.yourflexappeal.com.

I have to admit that I thought Lenny and Lodi were hilarious.  What did you think of your characters in WCW? I loved everything Lenny and did as the West Hollywood Blondes. It was not only one of my most enjoyable wrestling experiences, but one of the most enjoyable in my life.

Do you still work with Lenny? We have not worked together in a while, but we talk occasionally. He lives in MN and I am in NC, so we’re not exactly neighbors. I do think the world of him though, he is a class act.

Where did the Lodi name come from?  Was there a play on the Billy Idol name?  That sounds like something Kevin Sullivan would have a hand in, remember Evad? Absolutely right on idol, though Sullivan had no hand in it.

Why were Lenny and Lodi taken off the air in WCW?  What was that like behind the scenes? To quote and overused term in rasslin’, BRUTAL. It was one of my worst experiences, getting yanked off the air due to an asinine GLAAD accusation that we were inciting homophobic behavior. Scott Seomin, the GLAAD watchdog, is an absolute ridiculous ass.

Did you see the WWE recently removed Muhammad Hassan for political reasons. Same happened to Chuck and Billy. Do you have any thoughts on those characters? Chuck and Billy? What a blatant rip-off of the WHB. They were terrible. I don’t think they were removed for political reasons, but maybe from a lack of talent? They just could not get that gimmick over. Billy Gunn has had his run with other characters that I enjoyed, but with Chuck, let’s just say DUD. Hassan’s storyline was good, but the casual fan doesn’t watch enough to follow or understand that he wasn’t trying to be a terrorist, but was displaying discrimination against Arab-Americans. I didn’t like them adding the terrorist overtones at the end, I thought it was unnecessary and went against the original direction of the angle.

I thought the Flock stole the show in WCW. What did you think of the crew? Do you have any comments on Raven, Reese, Kidman, or any of the others?
I owe Raven so much. He helped me in ways I could never describe in a written interview. He has a great mind for the business and is talented. The Flock angle was good/ great. It was ended way too soon. Take all of the Flock members and tell me a time any of them were more over than when the Flock was together in 97-98.

So what was your favorite sign, and who came up with the sign idea?
I liked “If it is raining, bring your La Parka.” Signs, signs, everywhere a sign. Raven stole the idea from Lou E., formerly sign guy Dudley. Brilliant idea Raven. My favorite sign? Too many to narrow it down to one.

Did you come up with all your own signs? No, some of the boys would give me ideas, though probably 90% of the ideas were mine.

You’ve wrestled some huge names. Who are some of the biggest? My first Nitro match was against Chris Benoit. I wrestled Bill Goldberg, Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, Kevin Nash, DDP… at one time or another almost all of the names from WCW.

I remember you facing Goldberg. Is he as stiff in the ring as everyone says?
One time I saw him spear Chavo Guerrero Jr. I thought Chavo might have died. I had no problems with Bill, we were friends from the Power Plant at WCW. he was a class act.

More recently you had some hard times. Your apartment burned, you spent time in a wheel chair… can you tell us a little about that? Hey, why bring up old stuff?
Yes, in 2002 I broke my neck for the second time and was in a collar for 5 long months. My apartment totally burned last year and I lost everything I owned. God has blessed me with some wonderfully high peaks in my life, I cannot complain when he throws in a valley or two. On to bigger and better things, I have my first book coming out in 8-10 weeks. It is a fictional novel about a contest bodybuilder, and it will be available at both my web sites, my store, and Amazon.com, just to name a few places!

Can you tell people about your gym and supplement store?
www.yourflexappeal.com is the web address. (www.lodirulz.com is the wrestling site) I owned a pt studio before wrestling and it is my other true passion in life. I am glad to be back in the fitness industry! I train about 20 clients a week now…

So do you think that it is ironic that you own a nutrition store that is located on “Carmel Road?”
No comment…

At least it isn’t located on the Hershey Highway
. Uh, no comment.

Do you have any closing comments? To all the fans out there, please know I appreciate everything you guys have given me. The boos and the cheers, I will always appreciate. Without you there would be no LODI!

04.4
11

Big John Interview (Police Officer)

by admin ·

Police Officer Big Jon

First of all thank you… it is a real honor. Aside from being married… my hardest job physically was steelworker but body guarding and repo-man present a much higher level of danger. To be in a constant CYA (Cover You A$$) mode is mentally draining.

Can you tell us about one of your more interesting repossessions?
That’s easy. Taking a vehicle from a Michigan State Police parking lot. Yes, it was the cops car with them watching us do it from the window of the police station. We brought a whole new meaning to gone in 60 seconds shaving the time down to 12.7 seconds flat.

What clubs have you worked at, and have you worked with any celebrities? Ever had to bounce Eminem?
Not at liberty to discuss the clubs but I have provided security/bodyguard for Jay-Z, Chris Rock, Jack White, Renne Zellwigger, Kwame Killpatrick (Mayor of Detroit) and various sports figures (Pistons, Red Wings) to name a few. I have never bounced Eminem although we did go to the same grade school. I have met his ex-wife Kim. One of my coworkers has thrown Eminem as well as Kid Rock out of local clubs.

John, you’ve been a bodyguard, steelworker, repo-man, bouncer, police officer, and you’ve worked in a variety of security jobs. Which do you consider the toughest?

Do you think the environment in Detroit is any more dangerous than other cities?
Well it ain’t Grayling or anything but it’s probably as dangerous as any big city. Especially at night when I am at work. Of course I do live next to 8 Mile (HA HA).

From what I understand, you have more guns than most police departments? Are you at liberty to tell us about your arsenal?
Well let’s say I have more than I need but not all that I want.

Do you shoot in competition?
Yes several types. I shoot on a trap league. I shoot long range and three gun combat competitions. I am also a member of Glock Shooting Sports Foundation. Along with regular combat handgun training which is ongoing and progressive.

If it isn’t tough enough that you are armed, you are a big guy. What are some of your personal lifting records?
Well I am going back a few years but my personal best bench was just shy of 400lbs.

What’s your relationship with the local police? I hear that you are on pretty good terms with them.
Due to the nature of my job I am around law enforcement on a regular basis. Once they get to know you are professional in your job they have respect for you as I do for them.

Do you have any other hobbies? I’m guessing that you hunt.
I live for hunting season. When I am not hunting or target shooting I have been know to practice my banjo playing. Bluegrass Rules!

What are some of your record kills?
I don’t really look for records its just the thrill of being in the woods and the hunt itself I did get a large coyote once and a huge Russian boar.

Well thanks for taking time for being with us today.

03.5
11

Pokemon White Version (DS)

by admin ·

From the moment you befriend your first Pokemon at the start of Pokemon White, everything is reassuringly familiar: the scientist who sends you out on your adventure, your first encounter with bumbling bad guys Team Plasma, and the stories of a legendary Pokemon that will either save or destroy the world. Some tweaks have been made to the visuals and online functions, and a couple of new battle types have been introduced, but these changes are so small as to be insignificant compared to what Pokemon White borrows from previous games in the series. Original it isn’t; yet despite the formulaic nature of your journey and a disappointing storyline, the engrossing battle system makes fighting and catching one of the many new Pokemon as addictive an experience as ever, and it’s lots of fun too. There’s plenty of time to catch ‘em all as well, with a vast world to explore and tons of side quests and postgame content that’s a pleasure to play through.

Pokemon White Versionscreenshot
Pokemon have been around for so long at this point that almost everybody you encounter is an expert on them.

Not messing with tradition, Pokemon White begins with you being summoned to the lab of a local Pokemon professor, who this time is named Juniper. She asks you and your two friends–Cheran and Bianca–to help with her research by becoming Pokemon trainers and cataloguing the many species of Pokemon for listing in the Pokedex. She also gives you one of three Pokemon to take on your journey: Snivy the grass snake, Tepig the fire pig, or Oshawott the sea otter. Pokemon in hand, you’re free to explore the Unova region, interacting with the eccentric inhabitants of its towns and cities, as well as members of Team Plasma, whose cartoonish villainy forms the basis of the story. Deviating from the cozy stories of previous installments, the narrative takes a slightly darker turn, touching on the morality of keeping Pokemon. Should they be incarcerated in Pokeballs? Is it right to battle them? Should they be freed? Sadly, these elements aren’t deeply explored, with many of the questions simply glossed over–a missed opportunity to give the game a more mature edge.

The disappointing story doesn’t detract from the main crux of the game, though: Pokemon battles. As you explore Unova, you encounter rival trainers and wild Pokemon who challenge you to turn-based battles. Choosing the right Pokemon for the job is key because each has an elemental type, which can be weaker or stronger against other types. Each can execute one of four moves at a time, which can be swapped out as new ones are learned. This rock-paper-scissors-like battle system adds a layer of strategy that’s very satisfying when you choose just the right Pokemon to counter your opponent’s moves, and it encourages you to explore the region and capture new Pokemon types for future battles. It’s incredibly easy to get sucked into roaming around, doing nothing but capturing the little blighters, which is a testament to how well the battle system is designed. Though you can capture as many Pokemon as you like to expand your Pokedex, you can only carry up to six of them at a time, making team selection an important process. As in many role-playing games, you have to spend time leveling up your team by gaining experience points during battles, though there isn’t an excessive amount of grinding required to progress through the main story.

The strongest opponents you face are gym leaders, of which there are eight to defeat. Before you can battle them, you must solve simple puzzles in each of their gyms, such as figuring out riddles, moving blocks to access hidden areas, or pushing switches in the correct order to open doors. Defeating gym leaders earns you badges, which make it easier to control higher-level Pokemon that you’ve gained via trades and allow you to challenge elite trainers later in the game. Certain leaders also introduce you to one of two new battle modes: Three-versus-Three and Rotational. Three-versus-Three mode is as it sounds, pitting three of your Pokemon against three of your opponent’s Pokemon. Rotational is similar, but your three Pokemon sit in a circular pattern, with one of them taking the lead at the front. You can rotate the circle during a turn to choose which one you want to use or which should absorb your opponent’s attack. These battles provide an interesting change from the usual one-on-one fare, so it’s a shame that you encounter very few of them during your travels.

Pokemon White Versionscreenshot
Three Pokemon are better than one.
Next page

02.19
11

If she beats murder rap, she wants house

by admin ·

   She may be facing trial in the murder of a lottery winner, but Dorice “DeeDee” Moore isn’t giving up Abraham Shakespeare’s million-dollar home without a fight, TheLedger.com reports.

   From her jail cell, she has been barraging Circuit Judge Neil Roddenbery, who is handling the civil case, asking him to postpone hearings until her murder trial ends. The letters go straight into the court files. A lawyer for Shakespeare’s two sons says she acquired several of his properties fraudulently.

   Shakespeare’s body was found Jan. 29, 2010, underneath a concrete slab behind a Plant City home. He had been shot. Moore befriended him after he won a $17 million lump-sum lottery payment.