NiniaPimp Magazine

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

I work as a reporter for a small newspaper, which is actually a pretty cool job. But, because we are small, I sometimes field customer calls. One time a lady called with two complaints. She wanted to cancel her newspaper because there wasn’t enough news in the paper, which was, of course, a legitimate complaint. Her other beef? Not enough obituaries.
Ben Montgomery

So, I work at an ice cream shop. I was working the drive-thru intercom, and I had to pee REALLY bad. Pretty much to the point that it was all I could think about. The next car rolled up, and instead of saying the usual “Hi, can I help you?” I accidentally said “Hi, can I go to the bathroom?” The guy in the car said “I don’t know, can you?” I ran straight to the bathroom, and didn’t tell anyone until a while later. The girl who helped him was a confused why one guy kept making bathroom references at her.
ice cream girl :)

I work at a chain subshop and I am running the store by myself. We have a bell on the counter for people to ring if somebody isn’t up front. Usually people ring it once but while I was in the back doing dishes a man decided to ring it over and over again until I appear. He then procedes to tell me “About time you made it up here.” With this comment I assume he’s in a hurry but turns out he has no idea what he wants. So after staring at the menu board for what felt like forever he starts to ask me how much everything costs. He is staring at the board, at the prices and was still asking me. So I’m annoyed at his stupid question but then he drops a real gem of a question. “Is the $5 footlong and 12 inch or a 6 inch?”
Meg Kirsch

I work in a health food store and I always try to be extra considerate when i see old men in the men’s “performance” sextion. While helping one very open customer, he started going into descriptive and highly graphic detail about his troubles with his unit. I sent him on his way with a product to help, and I was left with an overmhelming need to shower. About a month later he comes back with rave reviews about the product, again with great detail about how long he lasted, what it felt like, the quality of his orgasm (ick) and he topped it all by letting me know “I thought of you when I finished”.
M Sharp

When I was working at one of the first jobs I had, McDonalds, I received a “fun” chore. My boss comes to me and asks that I throw the rest of the garbage bags that are on the compactor room floor into the compactor.

Doesn’t sound so bad, but it was the middle of winter and the compactor had shut down from the cold. So everyone was simply dropping the full bags of garbage on the cold concrete floor (eventualy resorting to throwing them into the room from the doorway) and it had been pilling up for the last week or so. There was so many bags that the floor was not visible and to get to the compactor I had to do the deep-snowbank-step overtop. Garbage hills were raised up on the sides of the walls. Since it was winter and the bags used thin plastic, the McD’s excrement that had seeped out of the bags had frozen to the floor and each other. This made it impossible to pick up a bag without a high chance of the bag ripping and its contents spilling out. I managed to get the compactor working again and crushed loads of garbage at intervals, but it kept shutting down from the cold, requiring me to stand there manning the on and activate buttons. My supervisor made regular visits to ask me to hurry up.

I managed to clean the entire rotten, frozen amount of garbage into the compactor in two hours in below freezing temperatures. God I stank after that. Cleaned myself up in the bathroom and went back to work.
Brad E

I worked at a summer camp over the past three summers and I taught a class to help boys earn a badge of merit focusing on patriotism. A requirement is that you keep up with national news for five days, so we read articles each day of class. One kid wanted to read, so I let him. He used his “black lady voice.” This class was all white boys, ages 11-14, so I say “Tell me to stop eating all the chicken in that accent.” He looks at me, in front of everybody, and says, “The way we spell chicken is F – R – I – E – D, motha fucka!”
He was 12 years old…
Paul S

Submit yours here!

Have a lousy job? Friends, family, and coworkers alike tired of listening to you complain? Well, send your stories here and lift some of the burden off of your already crushed soul. No drug test required.

So I work as a cashier at a large electronics store. One day while I was working a man comes up to pay for some ink and a few cables. As I am giving him his receipt and his items he hands me a some money and says, “I think you deserve a tip.” After he leaves I look at the money and its a $1,000,000,000 bill with a bunch of religious writing on it about how money is evil and only religion can save you.
Mike W

I work as a security guard at a hospital. The other night I called up to a room to “fix a problem” with one of the TVs. Apparently, we get soft-core porn on that channel, and the patient was refusing to let us turn it off
T Shaw

I work at a health food store as a cashier, and today when ringing up a fairly large woman, she pulled her money out of her bra to pay. My first thought was how “classy” this was and then as i grabbed the money, my second thought was how gross this was!! It was covered in what i hope was sweat and not breast milk, and stunk like a full garbage truck on a mid-summer’s afternoon. I guess my face reflected how i felt about the smell and wetness because then she said “You don’t have to be so rude about it, I didn’t have pockets to put it in.”
S M

I had just started working at a retirement home and although I didn’t have any former experience in the line of work, I liked it. However, about a week after I started I was alone for two hours (between shifts) and was panicking a bit, scared that something would go wrong. A resident’s sister was visiting and they where in her room. Suddenly, the alarm that one press when something bad is happening went of from her room. I ran over, scared shitless, just to be greeted by the sister who says “We would like two cups of coffee, please.”
Sara T

I used to work at a university IT Center. My job was mainly to help the students that walked in to use the computers. One day, a student walked in, she was pretty old, probably in her late 50s. Anyways, I’m sitting down on a table and she sits next to me. She sits down, greets me, and out of nowhere asks, “You wanna meet my little friend?” before pulling a turtle out of her pocket.
Gilbert Anonymous

I started working at a bar/restaurant as a cook at the beginning of summer classes in college to help out with bills and such. Anyways, a month and a half into the job I notice the deep freezer that I had cleaned out, unplugged and left open was on and shut. I open it, to see a blanket in there. Me, being kind of curious as to why there is a blanket in the freezer, started digging around in it. A few seconds of digging I felt fur. Then I saw fur and that it was just a deer carcass. An hour after that event, I was asked by my boss to help him carry something quick. He needed help carrying the “deer” carcass out. So, I asked why is he freezing the carcass as a whole. He says its not a deer, but his dog that had just died the day before. Alright, back to cooking I go, as well as soaking my hands in bleach before I did anything else that night.
John Doe

I worked in a hardware store and we don’t usually get the smartest customers. I believe the best time was a lady coming up to me with two packs of AA Batteries. She then proceeded to ask me what the difference was between the 8AA and the 16AA batteries. I then had to explain that was the number of batteries in the package, the see-through package, which was twice as big as the other one.
Daniel C

Submit yours here!