NiniaPimp Magazine

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 6 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

My roommate is the most annoying person anyone can live with. But what get’s me the most is how unbelievably stupid he is. The other day we were eating take-out Chinese and I see him pop a fortune cookie in his mouth and swallow the whole damn thing, fortune paper and all. Then he says “OMG, do all fortune cookies have fortunes in them? ‘Cause I think I just ate paper.” The amazing thing is that wasn’t his first fortune cookie. He eats them all the time. What’s more amazing is that that was the THIRD time he’s forgotten to take out the fortune before eating. And all 3 times, he’s asked the same question.
Anonymous

While I was living in Korea I had a ‘building mate’ in a 14-story building. She was going out of town and asked if I could watch her diabetic cat for two weeks while she went on an exotic vacation with her boyfriend. I agreed; Little did I know what a decrepit hellion her sick cat was. Watching her cat was one of the worst experiences of my life. It vomited everywhere, it angrily shat all over her bed, and at all times possible spread kitty litter and poop all over the house. When I e-mailed her about this, she was very concerned about her cat and not at all concerned about the situation the cat put me in. Let me tell you giving the cat shots twice a day and being hissed at is NOT my idea of a fun time. When she returned and I asked how she intended to repay me for the terrible time I had, she threw a tantrum about how much of an ungrateful, good-for-nothing friend I was. Well, ‘friend’, I switched your bills with your Korean neighbor. Good luck dealing with the fees and trying to get things figured out with your non-English speaking landlord. Payback’s a bitch.
Dani W.

I get stoned and eat all the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms.
Colt M.

I have an apartment of five girls, normally you’re supposed to have six but one of my roommates is an RA of the building, so she gets a room to herself. She has a strict rule that she has to be in bed between 9 and 9:30, and freaks out if anyone else is awake or loud enough to wake her. The building doesn’t have a strict curfew so we tend to ignore it. At the beginning of the year, after I found out how strict and evil she was, I decided to jump around violently on my bed and hit the walls around me until I heard her get up out of bed, and stomped her way down to hall to me and my friend’s room. Before, she bursts open the door, I jumped in bed and acted to be asleep. She stomps back to bed, and I jump around again, and act asleep. This goes on for a good 30 minutes until she asks my other roommates what the heck is going on. My roommate says “Oh, she has a sleeping disorder that causes her to do that. It’s pretty serious.” So now, halfway through the school year, whenever I have friends over and we’re too loud, my RA can’t do a damn thing about it because it’s probably just my sleeping disorder acting up.
Mckenzie Y. from UVU

For the past three years of college I’ve lived with two of my best friends from high school. We all get along really well, but we have one roommate who we just like to fuck with. One day while exploring our new apartment myself and my other roommate discovered the circuit breaker to our apartment was behind my bedroom door, after playing around with the switches we found out which ones control which lights and switches, most importantly we didn’t tell our prankable roommate. A couple weeks later while my one roommate was in the shower, myself and my third roommate decided to turn off the power to the bathroom that did not have any windows making it pitch black. He started screaming and shouting and we’re pretty sure we heard him slip and fall. While he was in there we started playing along making it sound like the whole apartment was without power, we even unplugged all the clocks so it looked legit. A few weeks later we did it again when he was in shower and laughed our asses off while hearing him shout “REALLY!? NOT AGAIN!” After that he went around to all of our friends in the complex asking if their power had gone out as well, but since we had asked them all to play along, he was convinced that it was just a freak accident that it kept happening while he was in the shower, he even went so far as calling the power company and our leasing agent. Eventually after about 4 dark as all hell showers he knew it was us. Too bad he has no ideas on how to prank us back.
J.V. from Michigan State

Hey there roomie, you know how you always battled me silently about the thermostat? How you always changed it to 60 degrees when I was out of the room or about to go to bed when it’s 30 degrees outside? I wonder if you ever figured out why you suddenly started changing that habit in the last term. You probably found yourself staying cold no matter what you did, even under a huge bundle of blankets on your bed, leaving you no choice but to turn the heat up. You even filled out about a dozen work orders to see if the thermostat reader was broken, but nope. It was working perfectly fine. The never-ending cold you were suffering might have been all of the freezer packs I stuck under your mattress pad when you left the room for dinner at night. Luckily I had a later class than you in the mornings, so I could grab the now-melted packs and re-freeze them for the next day. The best part was when you never realized this and thought I was using the twenty-plus packs taking up the entire freezer just for my in-class sandwiches.
Erynn B.

Submit yours here!

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

The night of Homecoming, I went to a mixer between my sorority sisters and a fraternity. I ended up clicking with a guy, playing jenga for hours, then finally getting down to the dirty as the sun rose. We passed out and woke up at noon, just in time for all his fraternity brothers to start rising and making breakfast. I had no choice but to walk through the kitchen wearing last night’s clothing. He walked me out but I definitely heard his round of applause as he headed back inside. On the upside, he asked to see me again.
Melissa F

One time my wife and I were watching TV when a commercial came on for a restaurant, showing food and what not. She gets a big grin on her face looks at me and says, “Wow, that smells so good!”
Michael B

I got dumped over the phone by my ex and she was mad at me because I was not upset about being dumped. Sorry that I took it so well?
Mark D

My girlfriend was a carrier of mono. Eventually, I got mono from one of our make-out sessions. When she found out that I had mono and we couldn’t suck each other’s faces, she cheated on me with two of my friends because I had mono….which she gave me…
Aaron D

Whenever my girlfriend and I have sex, she will yank on my nipple ring if she thinks I’m about to climax before her. Well, the last time we were going at it I thought it would be funny to pretend that I finished before her and piss her off… she ripped it right out..
Mike

When I stay at my girlfriend’s place, she sleeps on the side of the bed furthest from the alarm clock, and every morning when it goes off, while she is still fast asleep, she swings with an open palm and full force to hit the snooze button, but smacks me in the face instead…
Jimbob M

Drunk, stoned, or sober my girlfriend is annoying.
E S

At the end of a nice first date, the guy I was with told me that I reminded him of his ex-girlfriend but “less of a crazy bitch.”
S L

So yesterday my girlfriend of 10 months texts me about how she had just fallen asleep on her ex’s lap while he had a boner. This was about around midnight when i was home in bed. thanks for sharing babe…
A

My girlfriend got angry at me for masturbating. Now she thinks I don’t do it anymore.
A

Whenever I give my boyfriend a handjob, I like to make sound effects.
E M

Whenever I haven’t shaved for at least a day my girlfriend uses my scruff as a backscratcher, facescratcher, or an armscratcher.
Matt M

Submit yours here!

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

My girlfriend uses her farts to keep me out of the bathroom while she does her hair and make up.
M J

My girlfriend pronounces pronunciation as “pronounciation.” I’ve never corrected her because I like the irony of it.
Ian S

One day I was with a friend driving to pick up a broken computer so I could fix it when my gf called me, we talked like usual and I started to annoy her playfully when she stated “Oh don’t you start Andrew, I’ll kill you!” where I just had to ask, “Oh? How would you kill me” to which she replied without skipping a beat, “Oh probably with a machete”…..
Drew T

My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for three years. Because I knew the end was coming soon, I started to care less and less what he thought in bed. One day while he was going down on me (something he was not good at) I asked him if he even knew where my clitoris was. He said “I thought the whole thing was the clitoris.” He was 26. No wonder it ended.
Kathy G

My girlfriend broke up with me because I attended my ten year high school reunion. Her reasoning, a girl I dated in high school posted on my facebook wall that it was nice to see me after so long. Apparently that means I cheated on her.
H K

My girlfriend just broke up with me because she was “falling in love” with me.
Adam

I used to tell my ex that I was going to hang out with some buddies, but really I was goin to the movies alone. Just to get away from her.
Vader, Darth

The very first thing my girlfriend does in the morning after we spend the night together is pull the covers back, look at my crotch, rub my penis, and say “Good morning!!!”
Andy S

When me and my boyfriend curl up on his bed, he will sensually breathe in my ear and then in his best Voldemort voice say, “Harry Potter, -inhale- Why didn’t you invite me to your party?” And this has become a regular thing.
Jasmine L

After a steamy make out session, I asked my boyfriend why he was flaccid…. He had gas…
Lili Panili

Before my girlfriend will fool around with me, she has to turn every picture in her room around, “so her family won’t see her sinning.”
N S

I was dating a guy and he came over to my place to hang out. He was thirsty, so I gave him a Chargers (beer) mug with water. He stopped and asked me what sport that team plays. Needless to say, there were no more dates.
Jen D.

One time on Halloween I introduced myself to my ex-girlfriend.
Norko

Submit yours here!

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

My girlfriend uses her farts to keep me out of the bathroom while she does her hair and make up.
M J

My girlfriend pronounces pronunciation as “pronounciation.” I’ve never corrected her because I like the irony of it.
Ian S

One day I was with a friend driving to pick up a broken computer so I could fix it when my gf called me, we talked like usual and I started to annoy her playfully when she stated “Oh don’t you start Andrew, I’ll kill you!” where I just had to ask, “Oh? How would you kill me” to which she replied without skipping a beat, “Oh probably with a machete”…..
Drew T

My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for three years. Because I knew the end was coming soon, I started to care less and less what he thought in bed. One day while he was going down on me (something he was not good at) I asked him if he even knew where my clitoris was. He said “I thought the whole thing was the clitoris.” He was 26. No wonder it ended.
Kathy G

My girlfriend broke up with me because I attended my ten year high school reunion. Her reasoning, a girl I dated in high school posted on my facebook wall that it was nice to see me after so long. Apparently that means I cheated on her.
H K

My girlfriend just broke up with me because she was “falling in love” with me.
Adam

I used to tell my ex that I was going to hang out with some buddies, but really I was goin to the movies alone. Just to get away from her.
Vader, Darth

The very first thing my girlfriend does in the morning after we spend the night together is pull the covers back, look at my crotch, rub my penis, and say “Good morning!!!”
Andy S

When me and my boyfriend curl up on his bed, he will sensually breathe in my ear and then in his best Voldemort voice say, “Harry Potter, -inhale- Why didn’t you invite me to your party?” And this has become a regular thing.
Jasmine L

After a steamy make out session, I asked my boyfriend why he was flaccid…. He had gas…
Lili Panili

Before my girlfriend will fool around with me, she has to turn every picture in her room around, “so her family won’t see her sinning.”
N S

I was dating a guy and he came over to my place to hang out. He was thirsty, so I gave him a Chargers (beer) mug with water. He stopped and asked me what sport that team plays. Needless to say, there were no more dates.
Jen D.

One time on Halloween I introduced myself to my ex-girlfriend.
Norko

Submit yours here!

Dear Mr. Robinson,

I would like to thank you for visiting my third-grade class eleven years ago. I’m not sure you remember me- I was the one picking my nose. It was simply a delight to have the opportunity to take a break from our stressful lives in order to be educated on exactly all of the possibilities my garbage had. And what possibilities there were!

I’ve met a lot of recycling advocates over the years, but none have left an impression like you did. I realize that it has, indeed, been more than a decade, and I’m not entirely sure that you remember exactly what you taught us (the excessive amount of marijuana you undoubtedly consume may have had that effect). Just in case, here’s a reminder.

You strolled confidently into the room as my teacher stepped warily aside.

“Hey, kids!” you said, not quite using your inside voice.

A smattering of returned, nervous greetings drifted from the crowd of third-graders. I picked my nose.

“Ooooh, I know you can do better than that,” you chortled. Such cheery condescension you exhibited.

“Hi,” the children returned, with a little more gusto. I picked my nose with a little more gusto.

“My name is Mr. Robinson, And I am here to talk to you about garbage.” You crinkled your nose adorably to accompany this exposition. Little did you know that the aroma that entered the room with you had already revealed the theme of your lecture. “What are you supposed to do with garbage?”

“Throw it away,” I answered. I was a marvelous multi-tasker.

That was the springboard your truly inspirational lecture needed. First you listed the things people throw away lots of. When one curious boy inquired what a used condom was, you shirked the question like a pro. You then discussed perhaps the coolest thing you could possibly do with garbage: build robots.

The moment that I looked at your sample robot was the moment that my life changed. Never before had I realized just how much like a robot’s head a paint can looked. My eyes were opened to the similarities between a milk carton and a robot’s torso. I was truly inspired. You filled your entire allotted 45 minutes with garbage robot possibilities, and that’s when I knew that there was absolutely no more useful or renewable purpose that garbage could serve than to construct inanimate robots.

Eleven years later I can be found in an apartment positively chock-full of trash-bots, as I so affectionately refer to them now. They populate the top of my fridge, the top of my bookshelves, underneath my bed, they lie in heaps in my living room, and run amuck in generally every square inch of liveable space my modest apartment offers.

I look around the place frequently and swell with pride. As I wade through the loosely-assembled trash-bots, trying to accomplish the simple tasks of the day-to-day, I remind myself that there is positively no more sustainable way to live. My parents call me a hoarder. I call them murderers of Mother Earth. I scoff at their complaints of “no space,” at their concerns over the “smell,” at their tearfully emotional appeals that my life of recycling is “destructive and unsanitary.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Robinson, I feel myself beginning to have doubts.

At night, whilst I lay in bed, I feel their cold bottle-cap eyes studying me from the dresser. The eyes of the ones crammed into bed with me dig into my arm. I have creeping suspicions that the swelling I feel may not be from pride, but from a fledgling infection. A thought occurs to me: I don’t love these robots like I used to.

Why? It could be for several reasons. Maybe I’m less interested in robots now than I was when I was eight. Maybe it’s a flare-up of that pesky human instinct to separate ourselves from our own waste. You tell me. You’re the expert, not me.

I don’t want to kill Mother Earth. My parents say I don’t have to; that there are other ways to recycle. That metals and plastics can be melted down and made into new things by other people so that we don’t have to pile it up in our house. But it all feels like a trap to me.

I tell them calmly and reasonably that you never mentioned anything about that. I remind them that you are clearly the expert on such matters, being permitted to lecture to third-graders on the subject and all.

At this, Mom teared up hopelessly. Dad’s temple began to throb in that way it does when I bring you up in conversation. I picked my nose nervously. He suggested, in so many words, that I attempt to contact you in order to obtain your “liberal psychobabble” opinion on the matter.

So please, Mr. Robinson, tell me now if I have the wrong idea. My artistic outlet has become my physical imprisonment. And whatever this “liberal psychobabble” business may be (I was never good with SAT words), I urge you to apply it as much as possible to your response. My Dad seems to believe that therein lies the solution.

Faithfully building,
Steven Michelson

Missy and Mandee Taylor

NinjaPimp Exclusive Interview

NinjaPimp says, “What a set!”

Hello Mandee and Missy. How are you two doing today?

Missy: I’m doing great!
Mandee: Fine.

Can you tell the fans what you are wearing right now?

Missy: A t-shirt and tiny boy shorts, I just woke up.
Mandee: A jean mini skirt, black tank top and a black Element hoodie with pink letters on the front.

And how old are you?

Missy: Just turned 20 on July 31st! :) Happy belated birthday to us!

So you have your own website, but didn’t you just graduate high school?

Missy: Well, we graduated a couple years ago actually, but yes Mandee and I do have our own website! I’m very excited about it!

Is it weird going from high school to being internet models?

Missy: Well, actually I had a job before being an internet model…Hooters waitress :) So I kind of had some time to get used to being looked at as a sexual being. (Laughs).

Phil-Flash is in charge of your site. Who is Phil Flash?

Missy: Hmm, this is a pretty deep question (Laughs). I’m afraid I do not know the “inner” Phil yet, so far he’s perverted and cruel to us models! Just kidding. He’s actually very nice, and extremely fun to work with, although I am waiting for one of these shopping trips the other models talk about being so much fun!
Mandee: He’s Phil…he’s pretty cool, if you like that kinda thing….Just kidding! We came to work with him through Roxxie.

What do your future plans include? What are your career plans?

Missy: For the present future, I plan on doing more and more sets for the site, I can’t wait for the holidays approaching. Oooh, I have some good ideas! Eventually though, lets get serious for a minute :) I want to go back to school, and I’m seriously thinking about becoming a vet. Then again, I am thinking about interior design also. I know, two very different fields. I’ll have to pick one someday.
Mandee: Not sure…I mean, tomorrow, I plan to wake up and probably do something with the day….I don’t know about career plans…I like to think I have a little time to settle on that decision.

Are you fraternal twins?

Missy: No, we are identical twins! People are always assuming that we are not twins, or that we’re fraternal because we don’t look exactly alike to a T anymore. Identical twins are two babies that are from one egg splitting in half. All our DNA is the same. However, lifestyle and such can change your height, weight, hair etc. If we had our hair exactly alike, I bet nobody could tell us apart. (aside from the tattoos, little freckles etc.)
Mandee: You can’t tell us apart, but right now I think anyone could tell us apart, then again, people still get confused….people today at work were confused as to who I was…they thought I was missy and that I myself wasn’t there then I was like “No- I’m me” and they’re like “Oh, well where’s Missy?” I’m like, “uhh she’s not here tonight.”…haha.

No wonder people get confused. Ok, now to high school. Did y’all party a lot in high school? Got any good party secrets about each other?

Missy: Oooh yes I partied a LOT throughout high school. I used to be into clubs and raves, I was a bad bad girl back then, party wise I mean. Nowadays I’m more bad, um, privately? I’m actually kind of over it by now to be honest with you. I occasionally party nowadays, but I’m more into spending time with my dogs, relaxing with good friends, being online, cooking for sure!
Mandee: Ehh… You know everyone’s done some partying here or there etc etc…but I’m not a partier at all now…I might drink maybe like, four times a year if that…it makes me feel like crap

Can you tell us a little about your website? (www.taylortwins.com)

Missy: It’s me and Mandee, identical twin sisters in hot hot poses! You may not believe your eyes! It definitely borders on some of the sister/sister morals. Some of it of course is torture from Phil.
Mandee: Well, It’s an NN site…with twins…the only one with twins actually…So that’s pretty cool that we’re the first ones. :) 2 picture updates a week, journal updates at least once a week and video updates….pretty cool. I think NN is better than nude because it leaves some mystery which is way hotter than just getting what you want. :)

Is this a PG-13 site? If not, what rating would you give it?

Missy: Definitely not! I’ve actually had people complain to me that they didn’t see the 18+ on the start of our website…and they didn’t know how explicit it was. etc. I’d say it’s definitely rated R. Maybe even X, but not XXX because it’s not THAT hardcore.
Mandee: I’d say no…at least rated R..we’re over 18 so everyone looking at us half naked should be too.

Have you ever considered working with the Potter Twins or Cali Marie and Cherish

Missy: I can hook you all up for a sisters pillow fight or something. I just saw the potter twins on your ninjapimp.com site, they are HOT! and the cherish twins, well they are pretttty hardcore, but a pillow fight wouldn’t be so bad ;)
Mandee: Haven’t considered it…..aren’t they in p0rn? We’re not in p0rn….we’re more like sexy “mature content,” I’d say.

Yeah, I guess they are a little more “adult.” A pillow fight between two sets of twins would still be awesome If not the pillow fight, then what other projects are you working on? What are your hobbies?

Missy: Currently we are just focusing on our website since it just started, project wise. My hobbies: Cooking, taking my dogs to the dog park, sewing, occasionally going out dancing, definitely taking pictures! My camera comes almost everywhere with me :)
Mandee: Hhmm…I dunno about all that…but my hobbies well, I guess I could have a number of “hobbies” ranging from drawing to sewing….doing makeup, I dunno…anything creative.

Have you ever checked out Afro-Squad.com? What do you think of the site?

Missy: It’s an awesome site! You gotta love a site with pics of hot girls, and interviews!
Mandee: Fcuk, I love it. It really turns me on. It is the greatest site ever. I actually once slept with KrazyMan. He is great in bed. It is that gigantic wiener!

I liked Mandee’s answer better. On another topic: Do you have anything else to say to your fans?

Missy: I’m having so much fun with our website, I can’t wait to add more sexy/fun photos to it! Thank you so very much to everyone who likes our stuff and has such sweet things to say :)
Mandee: Thanks to everyone who loves/supports our site and I’d like to let you all know that we really do appreciate it and you’re awesome!