Posts Tagged ‘american voices’
10.10
11
by admin ·
<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>
Nestlé Creates Ad For Dogs
October 10, 2011 |
ISSUE 47•41
Nestlé aired a pet food ad on Austrian television that consisted of blips and high-pitched noises meant to attract dogs. What do you think?
-
My dog is way too jaded by our society’s rampant commercialism to ever fall for a commercial like that.
Dale Kilmister
Systems Analyst
-
I guess it does make sense to target one of the few demographics with zero percent unemployment.
Petra Wallis
Relay-Shop Supervisor
-
Wouldn’t they have more luck if they put a sexy lady dog in the ad?
Kevin Fox
Wash Operator
Recent American Voices
-
Nestlé Creates Ad For Dogs
10.10.11 | ISSUE 47•41
Nestlé aired a pet food ad on Austrian television that consisted of blips and high-pitched noises meant to attract dogs. What do you think?
-
NBC Cancels ‘Playboy Club’
10.07.11 | ISSUE 47•41
After airing three episodes, NBC is dropping its retro series The Playboy Club, making it the first cancellation of the TV season. What do you think?
-
Steve Jobs Dead
10.06.11 | ISSUE 47•40
Apple announced on its website yesterday that company founder Steve Jobs had died. What do you think?
-
Koch Brothers Made Illegal Sales To Iran
10.05.11 | ISSUE 47•40
Bloomberg News reported Monday that billionaire brothers Charles and David Koch illegally used German and Italian subsidiaries to sell oil equipment to Iran, a nation classified by the U.S.
-
New NPR Head Comes From ‘Sesame Street’
10.04.11 | ISSUE 47•40
National Public Radio announced Sunday that its new CEO would be Gary Knell, CEO of the Sesame Workshop, home of Sesame Street.
Recent News »
Previous
Next
Tags: american voices, austrian television, playboy club, rampant commercialism, shop supervisor
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
09.30
11
by admin ·
<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>
Insurance Costs Outstrip Wage Increases
September 29, 2011 |
ISSUE 47•39
The cost of health insurance premiums in the United States rose 9 percent this year, nearly three times the rate of increase seen in 2010. What do you think?
-
No thanks. Life’s not that cool.
Rick Dunn
Planisher
-
I’m pretty sure the finger can be pointed directly at my neighbor, who gets colonoscopies like they’re going out of style.
Julian Smith
Work-Ticket Distributor
-
Yesterday that would have worried me, but this morning I found a similar lump on the opposite breast, so I’m cool.
Sarah Harrison
Guide Winder
Recent American Voices
-
Doritos Creator Dies
09.28.11 |
Arch West, the Frito-Lay marketing executive credited with inventing the Dorito snack chip, died at 97. What do you think?
-
Putin Moves To Return To Presidency
09.27.11 | ISSUE 47•39
Former president and current prime minister Vladimir Putin of Russia announced at a meeting of his party that he would run for president again in 2012.
-
Gamers Succeed Where Scientists Couldn’t
09.26.11 | ISSUE 47•39
After trying for more than a decade to create a computer model for a protein key to the reproduction of HIV, scientists turned to online gamers, who completed the task in three weeks. What do you think?
-
Iran Frees American Hikers
09.23.11 | ISSUE 47•39
Two American hikers who were captured and accused of spying when they strayed across the border into Iran have been freed after 26 months.
-
Satellite To Hit Earth This Week
09.22.11 | ISSUE 47•38
A defunct 6-and-a-half-ton climate satellite is scheduled to crash into Earth on Friday, though scientists can’t tell exactly when or where just yet.
Recent News »
Previous
Next
Tags: american voices, frito lay marketing, health insurance premiums, snack chip, vladimir putin
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
09.10
11
by admin ·
A 500-ton crane set up to repair earthquake damage at the National Cathedral in Washington collapsed Wednesday, damaging several cars and a nearby building, but sparing the church itself. What do you think?
-
Once again God expresses His disapproval of the sinful creations of Hollywood. Because, you know, they use cranes for shooting movies.
Beth Popple
Systems Analyst
-
I sense the intervention of a merciful God in this. Well, after He fucked up and let the earthquake damage the cathedral in the first place.
Chris Evans
Unemployed
-
That other building wasn’t Dr. Philips’ Dental Clinic, was it? Because I have an appointment tomorrow morning.
Tommy Innes
Amalgamator
Tags: american voices, Analyst, building, church, crane collapse, damage, earthquake, earthquake damage, merciful god, national cathedral
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
09.2
11
by admin ·
<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>
Monsanto Corn Under Attack By Superbug
September 1, 2011 |
ISSUE 47•35
An Iowa entomologist discovered a corn rootworm that has evolved to be resistant to a pesticide produced by a genetically modified corn plant the Monsanto company developed to ward off that very bug. What do you think?
-
That’s why I always add extra pesticides to my produce the minute I get home.
Julie Aldred
Unemployed
-
Uh-oh, you don’t want to make Monsanto angry. Those worms had better get ready to have their asses sued off.
Dan Holloway
Immunohematologist
-
You sure are talking up these rootworms quite a bit. Whose side are you on, anyway?
Terry Tyler
Meat Cutter
Recent American Voices
-
Perry Became Millionaire In Politics
08.31.11 | ISSUE 47•35
Since entering public office, Texas governor Rick Perry has profited from multiple land deals that, according to critics, were the result of his political connections.
-
Half Of Adults Obese By 2030
08.30.11 | ISSUE 47•35
According to the British medical journal The Lancet, 50 percent of Americans will be obese by 2030 based on current trends in diet, nutrition, and exercise.
-
New Species Count: 8.7 Million
08.29.11 | ISSUE 47•35
According to a recent statistical analysis of Earth’s biodiversity, there are currently 8.7 million different species on the planet. What do you think?
-
Space Station Supply Rocket Crashes
08.26.11 | ISSUE 47•34
A Russian rocket carrying nearly 3 tons of supplies for the International Space Station crashed five minutes after takeoff, an accident expected to delay the return of astronauts to Earth. What do you think?
-
Steve Jobs Resigns
08.25.11 | ISSUE 47•34
Said to be in poor health, Apple CEO Steve Jobs stepped down late Wednesday. What do you think?
Recent News »
Previous
Next
Tags: american voices, british medical journal, Earth, googleFillSlot, governor rick perry, issue, monsanto company, obese, rootworm, texas governor rick perry
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
09.1
11
by admin ·
Since entering public office, Texas governor Rick Perry has profited from multiple land deals that, according to critics, were the result of his political connections. What do you think?
-
That shows the exact kind of corrupt savvy a president will need to get this country back on track.
Dorian Flood
Unemployed
-
I’m not buying it. Everybody knows Perry made his millions through a string of prudent livestock investments in the ’80s.
Steve Brown
Gambreler
-
Yeah, exactly. Being a Texas governor is awesome.
Bernard Langford
Systems Analyst
Tags: american voices, Analyst, exact kind, governor rick perry, land deals, Millionaire, office, president, result, texas governor rick perry
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
08.23
11
by admin ·
<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>
Qaddafi Regime Ends
August 22, 2011 |
ISSUE 47•34
Libyan rebels had captured most of Tripoli Monday, spelling the end of dictator Muammar Qaddafi’s reign. What do you think?
-
Yeah! We did it! Didn’t we?
Dominic Heriot
Running Rigger
-
This is a victory for the Libyan people. Just look at the jubilant crowds on the streets of Tripoli. I assume the women are enjoying quiet celebrations at home.
Amy Lethbridge-Stewart
Glass Tinter
-
I’m tired of countries not having the courtesy to contact people to reschedule their tourism-surgery before they have a revolution.
Keith Shaw
Pattern Hand
Recent American Voices
-
‘Extreme Couponing’ Craze Increases Newspaper Theft
08.22.11 | ISSUE 47•34
A TV show about extreme coupon use has been blamed for an uptick in the number of newspapers stolen from driveways, newstands, and coin-operated dispensers. What do you think?
-
Abercrombie Fitch Institutes Reverse Sponsorship
08.19.11 | ISSUE 47•34
As a publicity stunt, Abercrombie Fitch has offered to pay Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino not to wear its clothing line, saying they believe an association with him is “contrary to the aspirational image of the brand.” …
-
1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls
08.18.11 | ISSUE 47•33
According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of cell phones users aged 18 to 29 have feigned calls in the past month to avoid certain social situations.
-
FCC Investigates BART Mobile Shutdown
08.17.11 | ISSUE 47•33
The Federal Communications Commission is looking into an incident last week in which Bay Area Rapid Transit allegedly shut down mobile phone service in an effort to prevent a protest over the BART police’s second fatal shooting since 2009.
-
Pawlenty Drops Out
08.16.11 | ISSUE 47•33
Following a poor showing in the Iowa straw poll, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty announced Sunday he was no longer seeking to become the Republican nominee for president.
Recent News »
Previous
Next
Tags: Abercrombie, abercrombie fitch, american voices, googleFillSlot, issue, jubilant crowds, muammar qaddafi, percent, publicity stunt, reign
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
08.20
11
by admin ·
As a publicity stunt, Abercrombie Fitch has offered to pay Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino not to wear its clothing line, saying they believe an association with him is “contrary to the aspirational image of the brand.” What do you think?
-
I’ve been not-wearing their clothes for decades and I haven’t made a dime. And I’m a complete jerk-off. The world just doesn’t make sense anymore.
Sara Kingdom
Systems Analyst
-
Poor Abercrombie Fitch. They’re merely trying to sexualize young girls and subtly mock Asian people and The Situation has to come in and tarnish their good name.
Don Chaplett
Dado Operator
-
They tried that with Tara Reid and Kmart’s Kathy Ireland line. Didn’t work.
Damon Wills
Flanger
Tags: Abercrombie, abercrombie fitch, american voices, aspirational, association, Clothing, image, ireland line, kathy ireland, publicity stunt
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
08.13
11
by admin ·
The first major indicator of Republican presidential candidates’ viability, the Iowa Straw Poll, takes place this Saturday. What do you think?
-
Hands down my favorite quadrennial GOP formality in the entire Midwest.”
Rose Lewis
Systems Analyst
-
Yeah, but the state is only one-third of the way through its candidate pancake-breakfast cycle, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.
Mayer Brown
Mortgage Clerk
-
As a Santorum 2012 street team member, I can’t tell you how excited I am that the merciful end is finally near.
Stephen Hyde
Base Filler
Tags: american voices, Analyst, formality, Hands, indicator, iowa straw poll, republican, republican presidential candidates, state, stephen hyde
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
08.12
11
by admin ·
<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>
Magazine Sales Continue Downward Trend
August 11, 2011 |
ISSUE 47•32
Newsstand sales of magazines decreased 9.2 percent in the first half of 2011. What do you think?
-
Newsstands only use magazines as a loss leader to bolster sales of precious gum.
Theiry Reis
Construction Inspector
-
That doesn’t necessarily mean readership is down. In fact, a single copy of People is read by an average of 228 nail-salon customers.
Hal Stamets
Rasper
-
Publishers need to tailor their products to a younger audience—for example, by misspelling words, omitting or abusing punctuation, and keeping articles to a manageable 140-character length.
Ella Reichert
Unemployed
Recent American Voices
-
Are Sack Lunches Unsafe?
08.10.11 | ISSUE 47•32
A study published in the journal Pediatrics showed that most meats and vegetables parents packed in their children’s lunches were not kept in a safe temperature range once at school.
-
Solar Activity Has Electric Companies On Alert
08.09.11 | ISSUE 47•32
Three large explosions on the surface of the sun may affect satellite technology, communication systems, and the power grid.
-
Groups Oppose Perry’s Prayer Meeting
08.08.11 | ISSUE 47•32
Several groups, including the Texas ACLU, have voiced their opposition to Texas governor Rick Perry’s participation in a day of Christian prayer and fasting this past weekend, saying it violates the separation of church and state.
-
Blogging Teacher To Return To Work
08.05.11 | ISSUE 47•31
After a brief suspension, a Pennsylvania teacher will be returning to work at the same high school whose students, faculty, and administrators she criticized in blog posts.
-
Dunkin’ Donuts Employee Busted For Prostitution
08.04.11 | ISSUE 47•31
Following a six-week investigation, a New Jersey Dunkin’ Donuts cashier was arrested for propositioning customers for sex.
Recent News »
Previous
Next
Tags: american voices, googleFillSlot, issue, journal pediatrics, large explosions, Magazine, newsstand sales, prayer, Sales, technology communication systems
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
08.6
11
by admin ·
After a brief suspension, a Pennsylvania teacher will be returning to work at the same high school whose students, faculty, and administrators she criticized in blog posts. What do you think?
-
My teacher hated my guts, but she did the right thing and just quietly knocked three points off my exams.
Karen Gartside
Systems Analyst
-
That’s okay. I taught those kids enough about life and love when I was their substitute teacher. And I let them call me ‘Hank.’
Henry T. Gillis
Substitute Teacher
-
She’s right, fourth period sucks.
Bob McDonald
Attorney
Tags: american voices, fourth period, guts, substitute teacher, those kids
Posted in Humor | Comments Off
