NiniaPimp Magazine

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic “submission form”:/submit/dating-its-complicated/.

My girlfriend broke up with me for 2 weeks because she found out I was cheating in Words with Friends…
Ryan P

I took my ex-girlfriend of three years to a pretty cool noodle bar, spontaneously (as she always complained I wasn’t spontaneous enough). She wouldn’t speak to me when the main meal arrived or for two days afterwards. Apparently according to her, my intention was to humiliate her – because she has never used chopsticks before.
Vince Sal from University of Leeds

I asked my boyfriend to say something nice to me. He responded by saying he likes the way my neck muscles bulge out when I turn my head to the side. ..Thanks?
A B

My girlfriend forwards me all the penis enlargement pills spam emails she gets.
A Anonymous

After sex my boyfriend will “surprise” trust fall onto me. Turn on? I think so.
Erica M

My boyfriend and I developed a method for when we finish going at it and I’m on top and we don’t want to make a mess on our way to the bathroom. It involves him scooting his butt to the edge of the bed, picking me up and swinging me around so I end up on my back and he’s standing up. We call it the “truffle shuffle.” Needless to say, a vast amount of my sexual encounters end with a mental picture of Chunk from the Goonies.
Camille P

Today, my girlfriend looked at my penis and said “Metapod – harden!”
J G

My boyfriend and I have a rivalry. We are constantly in battle during sex to make the other feel awkward. I like to whisper things that girls say in hentai, and he enjoys tickling me or repeating my moans back to me. And thanks to Lonely Island’s “Jizz in my pants” video, we enjoy making those faces at each other while we do it.
Lizzy Hunter

During a make-out session with my boyfriend, I (quite sweetly) uttered the line “you take my breath away”. He leaned in to kiss me again, and as we were doing so he literally sucked the air out of my lungs before exclaiming “That’s what it feels like to be a Dementor!”

The worst thing…his geekiness actually turned me on a bit.
A Prisoner of Azkaban

My girlfriend and I have decided that my penis is named Linda when erect and Raoul when flaccid.
R Z

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This fail picture or video was posted on Friday, November 18th, 2011 at 4:00 am

NEW YORK—After noting the respectable performance of Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh and the excellent record of San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, the National Football League announced Tuesday it is actively seeking any and all Harbaughs currently not in use. “If we could find maybe three or four more Harbaughs, we could replace at least one of the Whisenhunts, Turners, and Sparanos we’re making do with now,” a statement from the league read in part. “The NFL is prepared to offer a hefty finder’s fee to anyone able to locate adult male Harbaughs of decent condition who can speak English and identify a regulation football.” NFL sources said the only person to answer the inquiry, an Africa-American male who became agitated when asked to produce proof of his Harbaughness, was almost certainly former Minnesota Vikings coach Denny Green in disguise.