It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
You constantly made fun of our suitmate for having bad acne. He’s a good kid and you’re just an asshole who thinks he’s hot shit. He would never do anything because he’s too nice. I on the other hand have no problem taking a little revenge for him. So lately I’ve been putting the bacon grease from my breakfast into your face wash. Seeing your self esteem drop like a rock as your face blooms into a ripe mess of acne has been beyond gratifying. What goes around comes around right, brah.
K.A. College of Charleston
My roommates are all pretty messy, but never seem to want to clean up all the shit they leave in the kitchen. Every day I come home to the flat and the sink is full of their disgusting plates and mugs, and the kitchen floor has always got dropped and dried on food. One day I got really sick of always have to mop and clean up, so I got the mop bucket, filled it with the usual cleaning supplies, and proceeded to mop the floor of all the dried on grease, tea, coffee, food bits…etc. Then, when I was done, I washed and put away anything in the sink that was mine, and tipped the filthy mop water all over the rest of the stuff in the sink, and left it there, knowing full well that when they got home, instead of fully washing their stuff, they’d just empty any water from it, and use it again. Sorry bitches, but you’re fucking gross sometimes.
Last year I had a roommate who stays up till at least two every morning drinking and sleeping with her boyfriend. We have a two and a half hour art history lecture class pretty early. Yesterday while she was sleeping I started sticking stuff in her afro. By the time she woke up she had some candycanes, pens, pretzels and sticks from outside the dorm. We had a full day and went to a Christmas party before we went back to our dorm. She had her hair like that for eight hours.
I live in an apartment in a building from the ’20s. My next-door-neighbor would wake me up at 3 in the morning with her screaming several nights a week. She would also run out the hot water for the whole building by having marathon shower sex. It got to the point where I hadn’t had a hot shower in 5 days. Luckily, the plumbing access for her shower is through my linen closet, and I rigged it so she was barely getting any hot water. Needless to say, the marathon shower sex stopped after that. In fact, her showers got pretty damn short, and I always heard her complaining to her ever-present boyfriend that the water was always cold. After a few days, she and her boyfriend just started spending all of their time at his place. I would have felt sorry, but I was too busy enjoying my nice, hot showers again.
When I lived in the dorm I had a suite mate that was a complete dickhead. He always wanted complete silence because he claimed he was studying. If I turned my stereo on or was watching a football game or anything with any volume he would be knocking on the door telling me to be quiet. We have the suites that share a bathroom and you can enter the other room through the bathroom. I listened through the closet which has paper thin walls inside to hear what he was really doing and he was usually playing video games when he claimed he was studying. I decided it was payback time. I am lactose intolerant which means I can take some loud nasty dumps if I eat or drink any dairy products. It was the week before midterms and he warned me as usual to keep the noise down so he could study. I ate a huge blizzard from dairy queen and drank 3 glasses of whole milk from the dining hall along with a plate of beans. I waited till he was settled in and the room was silent and unleashed the mayhem in the bathroom. I could hear him making a comment after every fart I let. The next day I repeated the process and got my fat buddy in on it. For lunch I had him eat 4 big bowls of ham and beans. This time the bastards girlfriend was in the room with him which made it better. I did my deed of unleashing the fury in the toilet, then my buddy goes in there and it sounded like a damn earthquake in the bathroom. We laughed after every comment he made. He never told me to be quiet again. Mission accomplished.
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